Potatonama Ch 4

Ugly gave Potato a treat!!! wuhoo!!!

Truth be told, it was the Meister who was bugging all n sundry for a treat but no one gave him one....poor Meister. Instead, the more interesting (as declared by Fraulein SS) Potato got the treat.

It was at whatsisname...that Chinese fragrance place in City Centre. The menu was easily the weirdest the Potato has ever had - there was brinjal, there was chicken cooked in honey and lemon...and....drumrolls...there was chicken fried in orange juice!!!

The party was apparently to celebrate Ugly's imminent release from the evil, capitalist, imperialist company who is out to destroy all that is good and pure and innocent etc etc (as claimed by the Commi bastards, the Cultural Studies hypocrites and sadly the ex-Special One.......foocking morons the lot of them)

Anyway Ugly is quitting coz she was feeling depressed and like a prisoner there. Apparently people (or rather doodle people....a separate group of Homo Sapiens) find her intimidating and unapproachable.....who knows why

Anyway, all the best for her new life and job etc. The Potato will never forget her for introducing him to.....chicken fried in orange juice!!! 

While coming back home, the Potato got a talkative autowallah and they started discussing things. Soon, the dude started to tell his life story. Apparently, all his brothers studied and now have jobs....he didn't so he is now driving an auto...he was quite philosophical about it. Recently his sis had some heart probs and they could aford the treatment only coz of that Rajiv Arogyashree scheme. Nice to know that at least some of our money is going to worthy causes. 

The autodude likes travelling apparently and claimed to have gone to a few cities. Once he had gone to Ajmer Shareef, where displaying serious Meisteresque tendencies, the dude managed to lose his wallet. He had  a couple of hundred left which he used to come back to Mumbai. Upon reaching Mumbai he went to pray to his god. After praying, he met a dude who told him to meet another dude who runs a canteen. He met this canteen dude and told him about the problem. This canteen dude then fed him and gave him enough money to go buy tickets for home. 

If the story is true, then it is a nice one. Good to know that there are still people out there who help people and that we Indians have still not been morally and spiritually corrupted by the decadent, evil west (as the Commi bastards, the Cultural Studies hypocrites and sadly the ex-Special One would have you believe...foocking dimwits the lot of them)  

Potatonama Ch 3

Meister went and saw the movie Angels and Demons. The dimwit didn't tell the Potato that he was going. Thus, the Potato now has to download it on his comp.

The Meister liked the movie.....it was much better than the frankly boring Da Vinci Code. 

To start off, Langdon's hideous mullet is gone....btw whichever hair-stylist thought of putting a mullet on Tom Hanks needs to be punished......make the dimwit the hair-stylist of Shrek.

Secondly, the disturbing Paul Bettany is not there. How he landed up with the beautiful Jennifer Connelyy is any1's guess....the dude must be a hell of a nice guy. 

Thirdly, ole sourpuss Stellan is there (when was the last time anyone saw him laugh in a movie!!)

4thly, Scottish actor playing Irish role = comedy gold

McGreogor's bizarre on-again, off-again accent was the fun element of the movie

5thly, irrespective of Lord Gayslaot's protestations and sputterings to the contrary, Audrey Tatou was a waste in the Code...the Israeli actress in A&D is much better. 

6thly, Rome...nuff said

7thly, Potato did not think it through before embarking on this stupid list so no more

Fatass Laughsalot went to the movies with the Meister, they were joined by Fraulein SS - who walked all the way from Banjara Hills..applause applause; MidasDude - who was 5 minutes late (who also turned out to be an X-Men fan); and MS Brownjacket - who was about 20 minutes late.....

The Potato is assuming that the Meister being a simple-toon, the naming of MS Brownjacket as MS (modern slave...she works on Sundays for crying out loud) was just a coincidental thing, although now the Meister is vigorously shaking his head and claiming that he knew it all along and that it was a well-thought out name.

The most entertaining part of the evening was seeing SS blushing profusely whenever the topic of her enamourment with OCD Man came up. 

Btw, Meister wants to tell Brownjacket that his failure to pay for the ticket of his friend was not because he is cheapskate or a luj character but because of his negative memory. He promises to pay her back next time they meet and apologises profusely........

Dude you wanna apologise in your blog or wherever, do it yourself, why the hell did you bug the Potato to write your blog in your behalf about you and now u r putting words in his hands....here u wanna write u write...

no? 

u don't wanna write? 

why? 

what? 

The Prude has censured you??!!!

when? where?

In Facebook!!!! 

Who cares about Facebook mate!!!!

And anyway Prudes will be Prudes...why are u even listening to admonishments from some1 who gets drunk on cranberry juice???!!!!!

 Come back... people are already alarmed about the Potato's identity and are actually wasting valuable moolah calling up and enquiring!!!!

Its your wish...the Potato cannot be censured..he is not afraid of any Prudes or any Violent Dons......

Potato truely believes that the Pen is mightier than the Sword or rather the Keyboard is stronger than the...err...umm...oh damn!!!...well lets just say that the Keyboard is very strong

oh btw the Meister's ex-junior and ex-colleague Fatass Liesalot has taken a big bamboo, shined it up thoroughly and has stuck it straight up her own significantly big ass....the dimwit went and gave as reference the number of the Great Dictator, the 1 guy with whom she had problems and the 1 guy who had problems with her...and to compound the problem, when she inevitably received bad reviews, she compounded the problem manifold by doing what comes naturally to her.......lying

Potatonama Ch 2

Well everybody knows that the Meister is a cultured debonair erudite gentleman. The Potato on the other hand is a shameless, amoral spud. They are two opposites of the universe like Yin and Yang (half of whom he met again recently btw :-))

Being totally shameless, the Potato recently gate-crashed a party at Fatass Laughsalot's place. To be fair to the Potato, he had called earlier to enquire about the availablity of time etc.....DevDulal was just too nice to tell him to 'foock off baldy'. Anyway he gatecrashed the party and even after realising the situation, shamelessly stayed there for a couple of hours all the while hogging sweets and icecream. 

It was only when the hosts invited him to stay for dinner that he decided not to push his luck anymore and knuckled off.....(what prompted him to give off free food was some rare moment of courtesy [never stay at a couple's place for more than 2 hours, people feel uncomfortable...whether that's a general thing or Potato-specific uncomfort is another matter altogether...the Meister cares, the Potato doesn't]... along with the menu, which consisted of a salad liberally dressed with the hosts' blood and the food which gives horsepower to the horse)

So he knuckled off to get food for the Chunkubaaz and got invited by a whole plethora of people shouting at the top of their voices....Sexy Auntie had come back from the desert along with some imported alchohol

So the Potato went to that party and as mentioned above, met the Chinese Philophy Girl again, but true to form, couldn't remember her name....well it was a nice party....alcohol was flowing, India was scoring and certain people were making asses out of themselves (not the Potato though...he was elegance personified, even without underwear)

Athletic Salteater was there...first she became drunk and then she became high.....all the while she was hyper.

The Great Jelly was there...massacring alcohol by mixing things up into strange cocktails and then forcing people to drink them with a foocking spoon...btw in case u didnt know this girl can single-handedly ruin any bar, pub or restaurant which serves alcohol by serving some of the biggest shots in the history of drinking!!!

Prude was there...she got drunk on cranberry juice

And then there was the world's biggest muppet...a guy so stupid its actually impossible to find out whether he is farting or speaking!!! The dimwit regaled us with stories of a place in Medchal where he goes to get high by getting bitten by snakes...and then he said that God Guus was to blame for the manures' defeat...as he hadn't brought in 'Tavez' (sic) in d 1st half

Well, the Potato, being a guy who likes to do social service wants to help out the numbnut in his quest to get high........the Potato's foot in the dumbasses's ..well...ass

In the party, Potato met the 4th of the Ovung brothers...and guess what...the dude turned out to be as nice as the others.......metaphotical hats off to the Ovung parents for raising 4 such nice kids.......how their cousin turned out to be a Prude is anyone's guess!!!

Potatonama ch 1

The Potato has to admit that the Meister's memory is almost as bad as that of an amnesiac amoeba. Not that the Potato's memory is much better mind you. This often leads to muppetesque situations especially when it comes to remembering the names of husbands of their friends....its one of them mental block thingies. 

For the love of Chelsea, neither the Meister nor the Potato can rememeber the name of Frustratedalot's husband' name (either Nikhilesh or Nilanjan), BMG's husband's name (Meister thinks its Birupakhkho, the Potato is certain it starts with a vowel), or Agressive Sambarslurper's husband's name (shortlisted to Vikram, Vikas or Victor). The 2 of them have finally managed to learn Fatass Laughsalot's boyfriend's name ...but only after they became friends themselves...and btw the 2 are still of the opinion that the dude looks like a DevDulal. However Fatass Lieslalot's boyfriend's name (nice kid btw) will forever remain one of them mystery thingies.

The Potato has Landed

Hullo, hullo......art thys thyng workyng???????????

This is the Mighty Potato speaking. 

The Potato has decided to temporarily take over the Meister's blog since the Meister is taking time off from blogging. The Potato is a good friend of the Meister's, almost an alter-ego type thing. So he will continue to bring in exclusive scoops from the Meister's weird life. 

eh? what was that? oh you are asking why the Meister is taking time off from his blog?

Well one of the reasons is that he is majorly pissed off with people not commenting on his blog. He has sort of lost the motivation. How hard is it to type in the words "nice" or "hideous" ..but no everybody has to be a descendant of Shakespeare.

Another reason for his absence is that he is mentally disturbed.

Meister has recently severed all relationship with the Special One. They had a blazing row via emails. Apparently there were umpteen number of !!!s. Words were said (or rather written) which on hindsight should not have been. She called him a disgrace to humanity, a stupid, selfish, moron etc; he called her a Manchester United supporter. Enough said.

To further complicate matters, the Great Indian Chunkuubaaz is going away to Gurgaon permanently. Apparently, he is tired of the lack of beautiful girls in Hyderabad and wants new pastures. So now the Meister has the added complication of searching for roomamtes.

To add to his woes, the Muppet disguised as his boss has suddenly decided to give him more and more work.

To put icing on the cake, the Meister has lost his debit card and he has no time to go to the bank and apply for a new one. 

In one way at least, status quo has been maintained - the Meister still does not get a treat.

So overall the Meister is depressed and has requested his friend the Potato to take over the blog for the time being. 

And responding to the SOB (Save our Blog), the Potato has Landed.

Sweet Fanny Adams and SS is in Luw

So many news so little time. Some are worth "who cares" while some have epic potentials. You be the judge.

Meister's friend Talksalot has got a new hairstyle thereby turning it into - in her own words - an extravaganza. The Meister is quite astounded that despite the "extravaganza" she is quite ambisomething...u know one of them intellectual words which mean in 2 minds...about it. Trust a woman to be confused. Also, trust a woman to fork out 5k on hair where the money could have been used for something much more useful, i.e. treating the Meister.

One woman who is not confused is Don Violent Bluehead. So far her violence was more or less restricted to scaring the bejeejus out of the Meister....but according to trustworthy sources....her range of aggression has spilled over into newer channels...Apparently she has nowadays been going around kicking.....wait for it....."fannies".... she has also started some weird practices involving coffee, cocoa, hot water and the Balooning Accident (yeah yeah chimney kettle, people living in glass houses etc etc...but hey she once fell off the Meister's bike...which gives him the right etc etc). Being a good samaritan Meister naturally poined out the meaning of "fanny"...last heard she was feeling sheepish. That did not stop her from filtering the Meister on facebook though....damn

Meister's friend MS Brownjacket has recently started working on Sundays as well....bear in mind this is the same lady who refused to work beyond 6:30 on occassions during her sojourn in the Lawless Jungle. When asked about it she initially refused to admit it and then tried to pass the buck by making preposterous statements like Meister is a dedicated employee etc etc.

Now comes the breaking news, the highlight so to speak. 

Meister's dear friend SS has finnnaaaaaly admitted that she is enamoured with the OCD Man and that it is precisely for this reason that she has been calling Meister by OCD's name for the last 2 years. One of the theories going around regarding why she quit from Lawless Jungle is that she couldn't stand the blooming romance between OCD Man and the LoudBossLady (who btw has a possibly negative IQ in terms of dress sense). 

The Meister was further astounded to hear that the only reason he got the fan and the cd player was because Boss wanted to impress him so that he would say nice things about her to OCD. wow!!!!!

Well SS quit because she couldn't stand the man she fantasises about, the man of her dreams being woooed by another. She, however, was speechless, mortified, heartbroken etc etc when Meister informed her about the whole host of letters that flow between OCD and Boss, and the fact that OCD even writes her poems, or song lyrics to be precise. SS started to metaphorically sob upon hearing the news. The Meister fervently apologises to SS for unintenionally breaking her heart by disclosing OCD's secrets. In his defence he never knew the true extent of her infatuation and enamourment. 

All he can say is OCD should have stuck with song lyrics as part of his wooing technique. Talking about 'pork' while attempting to serenade a girl never works.....well hopefully it doesn't...if it does then Meister will just lose all respect for womankind.

Meister has lost his debit card. Searching his fuzzy memory he has realised that he forgot to take it back after paying for ExLord Botanist's happy birthday. Since there is a total 84 rupeess left in his account, its not that big a loss. Anyway since the ExLord is perenially _pecked (insert animal of your choice), the Meister felt it right that he got something special for his birthday, ergo the Meister wrote him a poem. Its on facebook if anyone wants to read.

Sexy Party and the Prude who shouted Wolf

The Meister recently went to see an animation movie....Monsters v Aliens. The Meister liked it, he especially liked the characters B.O.B and the Missing Link...which brings us to the question "Is Seth Rogen fooking brilliant or what????"....Superbad, Knocked Up, Zack and Miri Make a Porn, Kung Fu Panda, Pineapple Express and now this..the guy kicks ass.

Talking of kicking, Meister's friend Bete Barda kicked the bucket on Sunday after a long and painful struggle. Its a relief in some ways, the guy can finally rest in piece. Another good thing, the guy won't be rejected and derided by women anymore. Way to go buddy, enjoy the afterlife...hope there is beer.

Coincidentally both of this happened on the night of the party to celebrate the birthday of the Sexy Auntie. The Meister reached the party after watching the movie and eating a sub, a burger, an ice-cream and half a litre of sprite. And when he finally reached, there was no power. Instead there was the Motley Crue.

This being her party, Sexy Auntie was there, so was the Grand Old Linguist, so were OCD Man, MidasDude, Resident Bugger, Jellio, The Prude, Don Violent Bluehead et all. 

The party was at Looserates, the abode of the Arseloving brothers - Perenniallyinjuredthung Ovung and ExPapaarazziwithaweirdnamephoneticallythung Ovung....the latter looked like and acted like he was stoned silly... making such propestorous statements like the Arsepuppies are gonna win next year etc etc

There were also Toothpastemodel and his sister, the former kept on shouting throughout the party, the latter kept on murmuring, smiling and reacting violently whenever the Meister looked at her. 

There were also a drunk guy, Orange Longfour, Philosophy Girl and The Anoian TippyTapper. 

There was good food, Danish beer (The Meister now has had Aussie beer, American beer, Indian beer and European beer..they all suck) and games galore.

There was Scrabble, which the Meister inevitably lost despite a lot of great help from Orange Longfour. His demand of a repoll and recount was violently supressed with a lot of muppetesqe comments from Jellio in particular. There were reasons for the demand of recount as a lot of tile-fixing went on between Don Violent and the Bugger, and Jellio herself acted as a spy. There were allegations of mathematical irregularities as well but the Meister's lone voice and demand for justice was again supressed by looks of intimidation and silent threats of physical harm from the Violent One. 

Then there was UNO. It is a very confusing game devised and invented to test the Meister's patience and highlight the Bugger's bugging abilities. 

Meister won twice. Nothing else needs to be told.

Well, it was a memorable night. The Meister reached home only around 3. Surprisingly Prude was still online. It was one of those extremely rare instances where Meister was invited to a party and the Meister had loads of fun.

He enjoyed the food, the games, the beautiful ladies and the sight of OCD Man trying to outrageously flirt with Violent Bluehead.......by......wait for it......talking about.......wait for it.............PORK.......yes people the muppet actually kept on talking about pork in his desperate and sad attempts at wooing. 

Someone please please buy him the book "Flirting for Dummies".

All in all great times.........slightly marred later by...who else....the Prude.

She called up the Meister asking him to come to campus coz something has happened. The Meister thought something has happened to his beloved dogs. He was worried, anxious and about to spring into action when the Prude giggled and said that it was just a joke!!! Nothing has happened, she just wanted the Meister to worry. 

What a Muppet!!!!!!!! Someone inform her about that old fable about the moron who cried Wolf

sad little man

i am a simple stupid man with millions of character flaws who doesn't realise what is evident to all right thinking budhijibiis...hmm so that makes me a moron then

maybe i am....maybe i have been 'brainwashed by the decadent west' 

all i know is that i spent an entire decade of my life terrified that i wont get a job...and that i will have to depend upon my parents for money all my life....and that they will be ashamed of me.....

because of the decadent west i am not afraid anymore, i am not terrified anymore...

because of decadent west my mother is alive today

because of decadent west if an accident happens to me today and i become an invalid or whatever...my parents wont have to sell their house to take care of me

hell because of evil decadent west i am alive today...because the evil decadent west gave me the ambulance, and gave me the medicine which makes me alive today

i dont know much of anything because i dont understand much

all i know is i am proud of  being an indian

i am proud of being in a country where part of my hard earned money, the same money that i earn after working for 12 hours a day for weeks at an end, is going to fund research, and is going to help kids remain in academics, and is going to put food in the mouth of kids in villages....yes that happens btw under the govt sponsored midday meal scheme, kids throughout villages and cities in all govt schools get free breakfast and lunch.......school attendance amongst kids is at its highest ever

i am proud of being in a country where i can stand and say whatever i want to say

i am proud of being in a country where people are not shot and killed for demonstrating unlike evil UK or holy, honest, godly Pakistan, or the utopian socialist China

i am proud of being in a country where both RSS and MIM, JIM etc coexist

i am proud of being in a country where the prime minister is an economist and an-ex president a nuclear physicist

i am proud of being in a country where even the animals have rights, very few, but they do have.....unlike godly Pakistan or the utopian, socialistic China

i am proud of being in a country where healthcare is massively subsidised...under Rajiv Arogya Yojana as started by Reddy....where people of the lowest income group can avail treatment from expensive hospitals like Yashoda for virtually peanuts

i am proud of being in a country where millions are employed in loss making public sector units like ONGC are still run and will always run because it provides employment to millions and cheap gas and diesel etc to billions 

(the subsidy ka money in all these cases comes from taxes from the evil western institutions btw)

i am proud of being in a country where parents, grandparents and teachers are still the most respected members

i am proud of being in a country where it really doesn't matter where i am from or what the colour of my skin is, or what language i speak...i can go and work and settle in any part of the country...(except kashmir where hindus are not allowed to settle btw........hundreds of thousands of hindus, virtually the whole hindu population was killed and driven off from the valley....now they live in refugee camps in jammu and delhi; and yet there have been no retaliation against anybody...gjarat was an one-off occurence and now it transpires that it was more economic than religious.....1 group wanted the businesses of another etc etc)

i am proud of being in acountry where electricity in every home is no a distant dream anymore with the coming of the nuclear reactors

i am proud of being in a country which opens its arms to people who have been persecuted for their religion, their views, or for what they have written in books....the same people who cant enter their own countries for fear of being killed can lead a normal life in this country...i am proud of that

i am proud of being in a country where the elderly get the utmost respect everywhere (despite the brainwashing by the evil decadent west)

i am proud of being in a country where a woman can do whatever she wants without fears of persecution and public flogging etc etc

i am proud of being in a country where there is no media censorship

i am proud of being in a country where people care about olive ridley turtles

i am proud of being in a country where you get free help everywhere (which speaks about human decency and humanity, despite being brainwashed by the evil west)

i am proud of being in a country with the ration card system where poor people get massively subsidised rice, wheat, pulses, oil and kerosene (despite us selling ourselves to the evil west who only cares about profits)

i am proud of....but whats the point of going on...we r part of the evil west now and so enemy of humanity

are we perfect...hell no....are there rooms for improvement...hell yes....are we going in the right direction....slowly yes

but hell we r evil bastards...we are allies of the decadent evil west

all that is about my country

i am a simple stupid man, selfish man with millions of other character flaws....

but i really do care about certain things...i care about freedom, 

apart from that i care about my parents, i care about a girl in Bangladesh and i care about the ones who have no voice, to whit animals.....

 

i care about them because no one else particularly does (most definitely not society or the government) and because i love them from the bottom of my soul and ever shrinking heart

and i care about animals because most don't and someone has to

i dont read books about economics, about imperialism, about decadence, about our society, our culture

i do my work, i earn money...i keep some of that money to help my parents in old age...some  is pend to make me happy...and some i give to people and animals who need it more than i do

i dont really like discussing politics or imperialism or socialism or the evil west, 

i am practical and a fatalist....the world is doomed, to be precise human beings and most animals are doomed....with evolution some other creature may arise who knows...we arent staying

in my own sad little selfish brainwashed pathetic way i care about the present, i care about putting a smile in a kid's face or a wag in a dog's tail

i leave the philosophical important intellectual deliberations to people who are more intelligent than me and people who are probably hell certainly better human beings than me

me i am kinda content with my own sad little pathetic selfish brainwashed life.....not happy....never will be happy for some unavoidable and unchangeable circumstances...especially with my innumerable character flaws getting more and more evident to the one person who means the most to me in the world......and who by indications will slowly but surely get disillusioned and disdainful for me because of my sad little pathetic, brainwashed views and life

i will live my own sad little pathetic brainwashed life as it is, every day at a time, 

i will help people and animals who need help, 

i will speak for the ones who have no voice, 

i will dream of a girl and love her all my life even though she thinks that in some way in some logic in some philosophy whatever happens to her doesnt  matter to me 

and finally i will die....that will be the end of my sad little pathetic, brainwashed life

these are just my sad, little, pathetic, brainwashed views about life etc.....i know it doesnt match to the high standards set by people much better than me (duh!!) but hell what to do

sometime in the future i will become a sort of a hermit, i will quit everything and go live with the animals in sandy's shelter... its better that way...the animals wont judge me and look down upon me....hate that...its probably an ego thing...see another character flaw...the animals wont care about how i look or what my views are...they will love me or who i am ... a smelly little man who gives them food and takes care of them and plays with them

and then around 60 will stop taking my medicine and bam...the end

-- 

Happy Week

Well, it has been a pretty eventful week so far, and some critics have also opined that the week can be termed as "Happy days". so why have the days been happy?

Saturday was great coz the Meister went to the abode of the Resident Bugger where he met the aforementioned Bugger, OCD Man, MidasDude, SS and Miss Brownjacket, played a bit of weird criket, a bit of football and then went for dinner. They had dinner at Katriya de Royale (where Bugger got lost temporarily while parking). The food was nice, the sweets were btter, the company was awesome, and not even the fact that some fooker tried to ruin the whole thing by playing fooking KennyGesque saxophone tracks could spoil the evening for Meister. As free bonus entertainment The Meister got to ride home in an auto with OCD Man, which as anyone knows is free wholesome entertainment.

Sunday was great because Chelsea thumped the Arse boys.....it was quite pathetic actually.....it was like a bunch of professional football players playing against a group of teenagers. ......which btw prompted one of the Hopelessthung brothers to declare that Arsenal will be better next year...blah blah.....well they can hardly be worse can they......well on second thoughts, maybe they can...remember Benny's Newcastle??

Monday was great because the Meister recieved correspondence from the Special One, and replied back in the biggest fooking letter he has ever written..... Monday is also memorably coz one of Meister's colleagues cooked chicken for the whole office, another one got sweets, and the Boss got rotis and veg-biriyani.....all in all a pretty sumptuous affair

So thank you to 

Epicya (now if only you could make my life easier by remembering subject-verb agreements), 

Wina Aunty(now if only you could make my life easier by not using contractions everywhere), and Fraudas Hypocritus Maximus aka Boss (now if only you could make my life easier by going away to Mars)

Tuesday was great coz there were no powercuts. It is also great coz the Meister got feedback on his epic epistle - the Special One has unfortunately termed it as beauty-fooking-ful.

Wednesday was great coz Meister finally got one of them birthday party treat thingies.....dinner at Nanking. It was a double birthday - of Senorita Prudia Maxima and the Violent Bluehead. Poor Meister had to convince Prudia for an hour to get it. 

Anyway it was a lovely dinner (duh) and he got to meet (apart from the bday ladies of course) Sexy Auntie, Smiley Jellio (who btw looks thinner if that's possible) and the Athletic Salteater after a long time. All in all good times, apart from a strange incident involving spoons. However, all the other patrons, waiters etc were looking at the Meister wondering 'whats this weirdo doing with 5 girls?'

The only problem was that Meister was a little bit scared of the fact there seemed to be a neverending supply of forks within easy reach of the Violent one, who apart from being the Don of the LOLZ mafia, had already threatened the Meister with grievious bodily harm. 

But thankfully violence did not ensue and the Meister got home in one piece. 

Now if only Uglygirl and the Doomed Animator would give their promised treats, the happy week would be complete.

Irony, thou art a Muppet and Benny, thou art a Prude

Irony

This is one of them literary intellectual words which Meister had a problem with in his young formative years. He always thought that it is something made of ..well..irons.......you knows like ironic railings, ironic goalposts etc etc.

Another word which confused the Meister was 'oxymoron'. In an incident in school, he once almost knocked out a fellow student for saying something in the lines of the Meister being a monitor is an oxymoron as he is one of the most disturbing elements in the history of school. Meister thought that the guy was calling him a moronic ox and thus was charging towards the guy intending to knock the stuffing out of him when calmer, cooler, literary heads with significantly higher IQ levels manged to stop him and explained to him what the term means. 

Anyway, anyone who knows the Meister or pretends to know the Meister or acts like he/she knows the Meister knows at least one thing.....that the Meister loves dogs (and Chelsea of course.....its like a part of his identity)......

In the same way being a prude is Benny's identity......those MSN Encarta people are right now deliberating on whether to include "Benny" as a synonym for the term "prude". 

They are also deliberating on whether to add "Meister" as an antonym for "sissy", "Tasneem" as a synonym for "backstabber" and "Ayush Prasad" as a synonym/description/definition for idiot, moron, numbskull, jackass, loser, disgrace to humanity etc etc.

So since, Meister and dogs are made for each other, it is inevitable that some canine induced misfortune will befall the nutjobs who constitute his family. 

Meister's esteemed uncle was apparently bicycling to the market, when he was viciously attacked by about a dozen dogs (well given the fact that Meister's family memebers are professional exagerators {if anyone says anything about spelling, then Meister will call said person a Muppet}, the truth is probably that a couple of dogs, maybe three chased the bicycles, and the esteemed uncle completely panicked, tried to outrun....err....outcycle the dogs, lost his balance and crashed. He is now the proud owner of a cracked temple, bruised ribs, numerous cuts etc etc. 

This brings us to the final points......those eternal pesky questions really...like

Why do dogs chase vehicles?

Why does Arsene Wenger see only those fouls committed by the opposition and never sees any fouls committed by his own players?

What is the point of Ayush Prasad's existence?

Who will give tasneem the thorough spanking that she deserves?

and finally.....

Why o why is Benny, despite being a 20-21st century, allegedly modern, highly educated girl, still a PRUDE?

News

There's good news and then there's bad news. Which one to tell first? It is one of them philosophical questions?

Well here goes...bad news first

1. Special One is sick :-(

2. Some motherfookers are again poisoning dogs in Ciefl

3. The Resident Bugger and MidasMan were robbed recently. Apparently, Bugger left the house without properly locking the door. Officially, the muppet did not wake up Midas because he wanted to be a good samaritan. Those who knows the dumbass knows that he did not wake up Midas and then forgot to properly lock/latch the door was because he was "tinking". The winsome twosome lost moblies, cameras etc. Thankfully noone was hurt.

4. Uglygirl promised Meister that she would give him a treat and then became incommunicado.

5. The Blues were robbed by UEFA, who have handed the trophy to the manures. 

Now here's some good news

1. SS is free, finally free. She has escaped the prison that is QuisLex. She is now working in some micro-finance company (since Meister has a possible single-digit IQ, don't ask what micro-finance is). She is happy, she is walking home, reading books again etc etc. The Meister is so happy for her. 

2. Meister's colleagues are gonna treat him to free lunch on Monday...wuhooooo

3. The Great Indian Chunkubaaz is not going to Chennai (he changed his decision once he realised that the vast majority of Tamil girls are conservative and not so good looking)

4. Meister's offcie has reently installed one of those coffee vending machines. The coffee is damn nice.

5. Brownie is still alive and healthy

Some other News

1. Benny is still a prude.

2. OCD Man is still valiantly continuing his crusade against illegal 1st class passengers.

Fooking Conspiracy, Benny the Prude and Lot's Wife

Resuming his perennial battle with household furniture, the Meister broke his fooking chair night before yesternight. 

He was just sitting on the damn thing watching tv and drinking copious amounts of cold Hech2O...when tragedy of epic proportions struck accompanied by what them intellectual types in their Latin will call "loudus bangus enurmus"; and the Meister found himself flat on the floor with his legs flapping around on air; and the Great Indian Chunkubaaz choking with laughter, the Muppet. 

It has to be a fooking conspiracy since our resident superhero Krish had sat on that very chair quite comfortably only half an hour before without any sort of signs or premonitions about the ensuing catastrophe. 

Fooking Chair

In other news, scientists and them intellectual literay types have managed to prove without a shadow of a doubt that the Newcastle loving Benny Summer Yanthan is indeed a prude of gigantic proportions. However, opinions differ on which age she actually belongs to.  Some researchers have opined that Benny belongs in the Biblical times. 

This point however has been vigorously contested by others, who claim that the Biblical people were no prudes as evidenced by the fact that they actually went ahead and named a city- Sodom. 

These researchers claim that Benny actually belongs to the late medieval/ Vicorian ages. The debate continues. Nevertheless, they agree on the one undisputable fact that Benny is a prude.

Talking of Bible, Meister is wondering,

After Lot's wife turned into a pillar of salt,

a) if anyone went ahead and ate that salt, and 

b) did this individual later claim: "I ate Lot's wife, she was tasty"