This explains a lot doesn't it

The Meister has an eccentric family (understatement of the millenium). The Meister has decided to write a post about them to show the world...well...to show them why he is what he is...so here goes....

Let's start with those immensely loved and respected nutters who are his parents...

Exhibit 1

The Meister's Father - Dr. Bishanbindu Bandyopadhyay

• Got married in his early 20s, while being a research scholar
• Loves doing all kinds of mathematical calculations......seriously
  
• Once shouted "Shut up and Get out" to a guy standing on the street
  
• Used to play football till well into his 40s
  
• Has been teaching in a girl's college for the last 3 decades without exhibiting any strange homicidal or genocidal symptoms
  
• Used to regularly tell the Meister "nobody ever becomes rich from studying"
• Is terrfied of the very notion of the Meister driving
• Gave 'carte blanche' to the Meister to do whatever he wants to, except Drugs, Suicide and Running away from home
  

Exhibit 2

The Meister's Mother - Dr. Udita Bandyopadhyay

• Refused to go to hospital after heart attack
  
• Blamed the Meister's unwillingness to marry as a reason for abovementioned heart attack
  
• Went and bought a fricking tree trunk......yep an actual tree trunk, and cut it into pieces and uses it as furniture
  
• Climbed scaffolding and chiselled.....yep actually did that with her own hands....a design on our house wall
  
• Completely changes her voice when talking on the phone
• Refuses to believe that the Meister is a loser in spite of all evidence to the contrary
• Tripped on her own leg and broke her foot
• Is interested in almost every damn thing on the planet, except sports
• Had a pet rat
• Once nearly drove herself into a pond (has subsequently stopped driving...to the great relief of all and sundry)...come to think of it, now that the Meister knows about SS's fatal attraction towards trees while riding, he is not that surprised..

Exhibit 3

The Meister's Paternal Grandfather - Mr. Sushil Banerjee

• When he was young, madly fell in love with grandma, and went to future father-in-law and threatened to kidnap his daughter if he was not allowed to marry the girl. The Meister's existence proves that the threat worked.
  
• The Dude once beat up a guy thoroughly for misbehaving and showing attitude. At that time, Grandpa was 70 while the guy was around 50.
  
• Once threatened to beat up a ration shop owner for misbehaving and showing attitude
• Even now, in his 80s, the gentleman is a Vishwa Hindu Parishad activist.
  
• Is very interested in English films and English literature
  
• Regularly calls the Meister and asks questions like "What was the name of that film where....", "Where did I read about this character who....." and "What was the name of that actor who...."

Exhibit 4

The Meister's Paternal Grandmother - Purnima Banerjee

• Fell in love with the abovementioned gentleman
• Continued to eat hot and spicy stuff even after diagnosed with stomach cancer
• Used to bug the Meister to get the Brahmin thread

Paternal Grandparents combined

Named their 4 kids - Bitanbindu, Bishanbindu, Bidita and Binita

Historical Footnote: The fathers of these 2 characters both rejected the opportunity to buy land and build homes in Kolkata and chose Chittagong and Naihati over Kolkata.

That decision turned out well, didn't it?

Exhibit 5

The Meister's Maternal Grandfather - Tarapado Ghosh

Mathematics teacher........nothing else needs to be said now, does it?

But there are oh so many things to be said

Anecdotes:

The gentleman was lying and wanted to change the fan speed. So, he first called for his wife, then his daughter, then the maid, all repeatedly, but since evryone was busy some where else nobody could answer. The gentleman, feeling who knows what, got up, got dressed and went out of the house...but still didn't change the fan speed.

The gentleman used to vigorously oil his hair everyday and brush them at least 2-3 times a day,...all this despite the fact that he had a cumulative 18 hairs.

The gentleman was a lifelong communist, but poor!!!!! In this day and age when the very words 'poor' and 'CPM' coming together creates the world's best oxymoron, the gentleman lived on his pensions and did not take a single paisa from anyone

Exhibit 6

The Meister's Maternal Grandmother - Mukul Ghosh

The nicest of the lot, and the one whom the Meister loves the most (amongst his grandparents). An extremely nice and patient woman. Unfortunately, she has the habit of pestering the Meister to get married.....and you know what, she guesses about the Meister's love for the Special One and bugs the Meister to get married to her. If only she knew the truth....sigh

Gem of an Information

While the Meister's paternal grandfather is a VHP activist, his maternal grandfather was a lifelong memebr of the CPIM party. Both of them wanted the Meister to follow in their footsteps. Imagine their chagrin and disappoinment when the Meister turned out to be like....well....like the Meister

Another gem of an information: The Meister's paternal great grandfather had the surname Chatterjee or Chattopadhyay and 14 kids. So, the elder kids had the surname Chatterjee. Later in his life, the gentleman got the title of Banerjee, and hence, the younger kids got the surname of Banerjee. The Meister's grandfather being the baby of the family at number 14, thus, got the surname of Banerjee or Bandhyopadhyay...........fun isn't it.........well unless you look at it from the Meister's point of view.....

The jackass has a voter's ID and Ration Card with the name Bishwaksen Banerjee and every other certificate and PAN Card with the name Bishwaksen Bandyopadhyay........resulting in an unfortunate quagmire...due to which there are problems with the Meister's passport....

Exhibit 7

The Meister's Uncles and Aunts

His uncle - Dr. Bitanbindu Bandyopadhyay

• Being the son of a VHP activist, is naturally a hardcore CPM supporter
  
• Mad about theatre and spends own time and money to act in an amateur group
  
• Mad about his house, made it with all top quality stuff...so naturally it leaks

His aunt - Dr. Basana Bandyopadhyay

• Regularly falls asleep while standing in a bus
  
• When her daughter was young , used to regularly 'motivate' her by saying "What will happen to you? You will end up begging on the streets!!"
  
• Can utter about 351 words per minute
  
• Regularly bugs the Meister to get married, as she has the weird notion that being the oldest, the Meister should get married first and only then her daughter can get married

The above couple together has a passion for their 3 story house, which, unfortunately,

a. Despite the use of the best materials available, tend to soak water and create interesting patterns on the roof and walls, and

b. Has the most horrendous set of stairs the Meister has ever seen (or at least had ever seen, untill he came to the Telugu country..........the Telugus are kings and masters of making stairs.....no 2 steps in a staircase has ever been made of the same size in the history of architechture in the Telugu country.........and also they have managed to make at least one staircase in EFLU as the Stairway to Heaven...it leads nowhere except a drop)

They named their kids Bijetri and Bibashwan

Another uncle - Subrata Ghosh

IIT passed Engineer, loves playing Sitar, and is completely dominated by his wife

Another uncle - Debabrata Ghosh

• Got married, got divorced and is once again moving around with a girlfriend!!!! talk about crazy!!!
  
• The same gentleman quit his job around 10 years ago and is now an interior decorator
  
• The same gentleman, in his infinite wisdom, went and bought an apartment where already an old lady tenant is present, and who quite naturally, is refusing to vacate
  
• Loves climbing mountains
• Had throat cancer, still is a chain smoker

Anecdote: After the elder one got married, there were those inevitable family feuds....so it was a regular feature to see the younger one being chased by the elder one being chased by the father.

Ex- aunt - Krishna Ghosh

• Used to pinch the bejeejus outof the Meister
  
• Adopted a mountain dog and in Kolkata used to make it wear doggy sweaters
  

Exhibit 8

The Meister's Cousins

• Ratul, fell in love with and subsequently married the first girl he saw in one of them matrimonial websites,
  
• Rahul, once got embroiled in an arguement with local kids and punched someone, inevitably got beaten up for his endeavour

well since the Meister suffers from Mad Bull disease, there is a chance that he has reversed the names of the 2 above...but what the hell they are brothers afer all..so its cool

• Bijetri, is studying Phd in Physiology (thus maintaining the family tradition) and allegedly falls in love once every 4 months, and who btw loved studying and learnt Kathhak
  
• Soumi, quarelled with the Meister's mother so much they still aren't talking to each other (don't ask the Meister why they quarelled, all women are nuts) and is a Psycho something btw,
  
• Anuja, went to Delhi for Phd and quit and then to USA for Phd and quit again!!!!!
  
• Bibashwan, who looks like Guran of Phantom comics and who learnt 'miming'.......yes 'miming'
  

To make matters more interesting, the Meister has ended up with a roommate - The Great Indian Chunkubaaz - who is interested in money, hair, Orkut and married women.

So, it is a damn miracle that the Meister has managed to retain his sanity despite spending copious amounts of time in this august company. It has not been easy. The continous struggle has cost the Meister his hair.

But he has successfully managed to prove that Lunacy is not Hereditary.

Foocking Blog

This version is for Benny the Prude

You do it

No you rabbit do it

Its your rabbit blog

You have rabbit taken it over now

No, I rabbit haven't!!! You are talking out of your rabbit foot mate!

Of course its yours! Even your pic is there. Don't be like the poor deluded Ovung brothers. Open your eyes.

Its you who is deluded my friend, you are now talking like a Manchester United supporter.

Hey what the rabbit!!!! Take that back, take that back right now

Ok Ok calm down calm down I take it back, nobody deserves to be called a rabbit uncouth, uncivilised, unhygenic, loudmouth disgrace to humanity.....well nobody except Ayush Prasad.

That was the censured version, now for the real stuff....

Benny the Prude look away.....

You do it

No you foocking do it

Its your foocking blog

You have fooking taken it over now

No, I foocking haven't!!! You are talking out of your foocking arse mate!

No am not!!! And what's with the reference to body parts? Don't you know that Benny the Prude will be scandalised!!!

Benny the Prude gets scandalised by anything and everything- her body is here in the 21st century, her mind is in the 16th century. Anyway as I was saying, how is it my blog now?

Of course its yours! Even your pic is there. Don't be like the poor deluded Ovung brothers. Open your eyes.

Its you who is deluded my friend, you are now talking like a Manchester United supporter.

Hey what the foock!!!! Take that back, take that back right now

Ok Ok calm down calm down I take it back, nobody deserves to be called an foocking uncouth, uncivilised, unhygenic, loudmouth disgrace to humanity.....well nobody except Ayush Prasad.

You might be wondering what this is all about. Well, this was an arguement between those two legendary lazyasses - the Meister and the Potato......the topic of arguement - who is going to write this blog. It was decided that they both will write it....

Which still leaves the problem of what to write!!!

So, they have decided that they are going to write news about their friends and acquaintances etc

Senor Paunchovilla/Sir Paunchsalot/Baron von Paunchohausen - last heard tried to jump off a cliff upon hearing that the GlasGow Beetroot has sold Ronaldo and Tevez and has instead brought in Michael 'Sickbed' Owen (probably to give company to Hargreaves, who was getting lonely being the only player sitting in the stadium while all others were playing,)....unfortunately for him and extremly fortunately for us, because of his extreme rotundity, the jumping did not go as planned...he bounced around for a few minutes and gradually rolled to a stop

come bck to the online world Pauncho, it's just not that much fun abusing the 'Arse' loving Oren brothers and the Benny the Prude - who supports Newcastle United!!!!

Lady Talksalot - is back from her brief sojourn in the western part of the country all refreshed and with an increased vigour, vim and determination to increase the profits of THAT imperialistic, capitalistic, evil company (as declared by the cultural studies hypocrites), who btw have ruined the plans of a large number of ordinary people by giving free tickets to Pottermania to its employees...Karma fought back(under pressure from 100s of disappointed kids) and gave them swine flu in return!!!

Benny the Prude - no new development, she is still a PRUDE and by now she has finished her thesis and has put her head under a blanket

Ex-Lord Botanist - some muppets tried to break into his house but was foiled in their hideous heinous endeavour by Godrej (the lock, not the person)

His Gaysalot - after finally deciding about his sexual preferences, he is apparently now a tad wee bit confused about his gender!!!!!!!!!!("bad influence of pink people")..... he was proclaiming to all and sundry that he is a "closet Bhratiya nari"....last heard he was shouting Avada Kadavara (which btw suspiciously sounds like a Telugu trying to say 'cadaver') to the Potato

Resident Bugger - still tinking otherwise dressing in atrocious blue cloured formals to the cinema

MidasDude - going around giving/taking exams and enrolling himself into MPhils and Japanese courses...respect bro respect

Bonglish Nightingale - acquired a geriatric spine

MS Brownjacket - actually got her lappy stolen (laptop not lapdog)...apprently the muppet disguising as her landlord allowed 2 luj characters to come in and browse through her stuff...when MS went to the police station, they told her (with loads of enthusiasm) that they know that there is a gang operating etc etc and a whole load of blah blah...well hulloooo get off your arses (Meister: well there you go again, now Benny the Prude will switch off her machine and go and hide under her bed, will put her hands over hear ears, close her eyes, and will start banging her head on the floor and keep declaring in Morse Code - see no evil, hear no evil, see no evil, hear no evil......)

Anyway to come back to MS, she recently went to see a juvenile comedy, got thoroughly pissed off and left mid-way to go to a bookshop to buy a sissy book....yep that's right....MS has recently become enamoured with books of extreme sissyness and she is passing off her unfortunate habit to SS as well :-(......

who btw made some comment which caused MS to BLUSH crimson/mauve/ purple/ violet/ magenta!!!!! 

She kept on blushing -

like a sissy dude coming to his in-laws' place for the 1st time,

like Benny the Prude whenever the name of any bodypart is mentioned,

in fact like SS whenever OCD Hombre is discussed -

continuously for about 10 mins....

SS (you know, that dear young lady who recently got herself a geriatic hip) - Well as mentioned before, she has caught the bug from MS, the bug of reading sissy books. The bug has transformed into other weird habits as well...for example watching extremely weird and sissy programs on television.

Potatonama Ch 5 sub chapter VI

Purgatory thy name is Nagpur....also known as Orange City (not because of oranges but because of the blazing fooking sun as far as the Potato is concerned)

The Potato has been in lots of cities and claim that Nagpur is the most depressing city ever. 

Why he went there you ask?

Well it was to attend Frustratedalot's wedding. He went there after finishing his sojourn at Panchmarhi. 

After Pampered Princess abandoned him and ran away to the arms of her slave/bf, he had no other option than to board a bus to go to Nagpur. Its just a journey of 8 hours in a rickety bus in 45 degree temperature.....with Muppety women suffering from motion sickness and puking every 5 minutes....highly enjoyable isn't it?

But that was a match at Stamford Bridge compared to what was in store at Nagpur. Its hot, its boring, its hot, its depressing, its hot.

Its also a city without hot girls........its full of aunties and grandmas!!!!! Something which was clearly evident in Frustratedalot's wedding.  Not that the Potato wasreally looking forward to seeing hot girls....he was once again worried about...well what else....his pants.

See, the whole problem was that he had forgotten to bring his belt. So, he could not wear his formal trouser. He had in fact tried on the trouser in his hotel room, but it fell-off, causing great amusement and mirth to Talksalot. He had to wear shorts. But because he had promised Frustratedalot that he will go in formals, he decided to wear fullsleeve formal shirt and tie along wiht his shorts. But Talksalot started protesting vehemently. 

So, there was no other option than to appear in a wedding in shorts, sneakers and a t-shirt asking guys to push off their wives off a cliff. 

And what a wedding!! The poor muppet getting married was standing on one corner with a hangdog forlorn exprssion since nobody was paying him any attention whilst a whole legion of aunties and grandmas were gossiping and staring at the Potato. 

The worst part was that he wasn't even allowed to bang the couple's heads(apparently an uber-cool Marathi custom). The Potato desperatedly wanted to do it but apparently only old people can do it...so the Potato told the couple that he is older than them, to which Frustratedalot replied that her new husband is older, to which Potato asked her why she was marrying old people.....at which point Talksalot dragged him away.

Frustratedalot's mother then gave him 1000 bucks (possibly to make him go away)