A smile is worth a lot

Recently the Meister has realised that you can't put a price to a nice smile...especially a handsome smile that the Meister possesses. For the last 2-3 days people have been queing up to help the Meister...which makes a pleasant change to the Meister's life coz usually nobody bothers.  Anyway, it all started the day before yesterday early morning when a man suddenly offered the Meister a lift to Tarnaka, all because the Meister had politely waited for him beside a hole in order to let him pass easily. The Meister coul;d not take up the offer as he was going to the station to catch the MMTS. In the MMTS, one of the regular passengers actually had saved a seat for the Meister (something which never happens). 

Once he reached office, he saw the gates closed as usual. (The Meister is the 1st tocome to office on 98% of the days) So he sat on the stairs. The security guard of the floor below was passing by and seeing the Meister suddenly hurriedly went and brought water for him.  Again probably because the Meister smiles at him every morning and waves at him every evening while leaving. 

To top it all, while he was sitting, an officer from another office came and actually offered him the chance to go and sit in his office till the Meister's office's gate opens. The Meister has now met him almost everyday and has struck up a casual friendship, their last 2 topics of discussion were the reading habits of the guy's kid daughter( who although around 14 read the Animal farm and apparently at midnight pestered the guy saying "papa the windmill died") and why the Meister is still not getting married and is planning never to. Weird indeed.  

Trip

Last month, with a smile on his face and money in wallet, the Meister went to visit Orissa. The Sandman accompanied him. They left via the Faluknama Express where the curse of the fatman struck again btw. Out of more than 2000 windows in the entire train, guess which was cracked???

Anyway, they had an interesting journey with some quite nice co-passengers. Upon reaching Bhubaneshwar, they got a hotel and the Meister realised that the shorts that he was wearing had a big ass hole in the groin area!!!!

The Meister had a wonderful time in Orissa where he saw some of the loveliest temples and architechture imaginable and continuing the tradition he got right-wing guides in Orissa as well.

The only discordant note in the proceddings was struck by Baldilocks who joined them after a day. Baldilocks came and then went off to meet one of his gay friends, then joined the Meister in the afternoon to visit Khandagiri and then next day complained of sickness and left (he was supposed to be with the Meister and the Sandman throughout the entire trip but I guess he was bored with the company).

On the way from Bhubaneshwar to Puri, the friendly neighborhood autowallah (who doubled as the guide for all the days of the trip) took the awesome twosome to Raghuraj and Pipli, the handicrafts villages. The Meister had the time of his life in Raghurajpur looking at the tons and tons of beautiful artwork and the impromptu Gutipua dance which the kids performed only for him (the kids were awesome and the way they were contorting their bodies were freakish and scary to say the least). The curse of the fatman struck again...the batteries ran away and alas the Meister could not take any pictures of the performance.

Snippets of the Past Week

It all started with the Meister's mum getting very sick and scaring the bejesus out of the Meister. Thankfully it was just a temporay illness.

The Meister flew down to Hyderbad (Vandy helped in conforming the flight timings etc so thanks to her) and resisted the temptation to get an auto home as the autowallas were demanding 300 bucks. Instead he took the bus and actually persuaded the busdriver and got down in front of NIN. The driver was grumbling but the Meister chooses to ignore such things.  From the NIN to home the Meister walked with 2 pieces of luggage - a backpack and a bigass piece of suitcase. So yeah Meister.

The Meister reached home and got a nice welcome from his friend the Chunkubaaz, who had thoughtfully bought food (though he is in luw....the Meister understands that things are not going well as the girl in question is nuts....well which girl isn't)

The Meister rejoined work the next day and spent the whole day..................................................................................................................wait for it......................................................................................................................................................................................

reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows in office.

eat ur hearts out suckers in boring jobs...hihaw hihaw

o almost forgot to report that the Meister's friend, the OCD got into a fight with an autowallah and bashed the autowallah up....o how the Meister wishes that he was present to see that beautiful event.

 

Old Friends and Acquaintances

The Meister usually does not meet anyone or to be precise no one meets the Meister. However in the last 1 week the Meister has met quite a lot of people who were a part of the Meister's life in the past.

The Meister attended Yohamba's wedding and met Bishwajit, Jijo, Philo, Shouvick, Piku and Pragya..not to mention Hamba himself and his new wife who btw was quite shocked upon meeting the Meister. Th Meister also met his old college teachers RDG and PC and was quite pleasantly surpised that they were impressed that hte Meister is now an Instructional Designer. 

After coming back to Hyderabad, in the space of 24 hours, the Meister met Prashanti (who is nowadays chiring bal badhing anti in Motorola) and to his great surprise, Brotinda (who is back in Hyderabad and is Married!!!)

Brotinda married!!! The mind Boggles!!!!!

Bad day bad day bad day

Well, so far today has been a bad day in the Meister's life. In some weird way it has also affected people around the Meister.

The Meister woke up on time but was so engrossed in a NBA match that he forgot to a) wear his lockets and b) to get the earphones. So he rushed to the station and lo and behold.. the fucking train was 15 minutes late and when it did come, the fans in the train weren't working...so the Meister sweated and sweated like a singularis porkus...although the Meister has to be candid..he has never seen a member of that particular mammal family actually sweat.

Anyway so the Meister came to work and had to listen to a lecture for 3 hours. Now I know what you guys are thinking, "How did the Meister stay awake for so long?" The Meister is once again truthful..it was touch and go for quite a while..the fact that it was potentially helpful to his career probably kept him awake.

ooh..oohh..almost forgot to mention that in the train a dude was shoving the Meister to get on board the train and again to get a seat...neither did the numbnut get a seat but in fact he lost his mobile in the process....just proves that Karma works in mysterious ways.

To top all this..the Meister's friend and colleague Vandy actually ate their boss's lunch...yep she actually did that..the poor boss was so hungryand bugged it was sight to behold (what actually happened was that the officeboy got confused and did 'hniya ha mal hnua' but it was so much fun...it brightened up the Meister's day considerably...let's observe what else happens...

Well..it has been an eventful couple of weeks in the Meister's life.

It all started with the Meister dropping a heavy glass...which shattered and cut the Meister's leg.  (The Meister was more sad about the loss of vodka and 7up than about his leg.)

Then in the CFA matches, he was kicked like anything...his legs were massacred and for good measure he got a hard elbow in the face as well....ouch

To top it all of, he had to work throughout the weekend...and later it transpired that most of the work which he had done will not be needed coz apprently the client was changing the product and in their infinite wisdom forgot to tell it to the Meister's company.

On a completely different note, two of Meister's ex-classmates got engaged - Pallavi and Rima.

Congratulations to them.

Stuck in a moment you can'tget out...etc etc

A couple of days ago the meister was stuck in his office lift alon with his colleagues Ramya and Vandy.

Sources claim that they had gone down for tea and while coming back up, the f**&ing lift got stuck between the 2nd and 3rd floors. 

(In a separate vein, it is believed that the Meister has been totally grossed out by the dirty fingernails of the chaiwalla and thus has decided to stop eating chinna samosas from there.)

Anyway, what has happened that apparently some silly ass had forgotten to properly shut the lift gate on the 7th or 5th as the case may be (its a weird building...the floors haven't decided on their numbers yet...they are swinger stairs), which coinicidentally happens to be the very floor where the Meister pretends to work. 

When last contacted, the Meister told our correspondentthat he is self introspecting, tryingto figure out whom he had pissed off in the last few days. He firmly believes that its the same silly ass who perpetrated this hideous act on the Meister.

 

Scientists should be kept locked up

Our resident scientist The Birdman broke his ankle.
The query reverberating in the market right now is how?
Well insider sources say that he was going to Kacheguda to pick up his friend who was coming from Bangalore. Alas, the gate was locked.

But such minor obstacles are nothing to a scientist. He decided to jump over the wall. It was abt 5.5 ft high.

Well he fell down and broke his ankle.

The meister to the rescue at 4:45 in the freaking morning...

Anyway the scientist was taken to Yashoda hoispital where a moron saw the x-rays and declared that it was a ligament injury and thus bed rest for 14 days would be enough..just when it was time to take the scientist home, a doctor came, saw and declared thy leg has gone kaput and requires surgery.

The Birdguy's face went from extreme happiness to a picture of cataclysm in a matter of seconds.
After much deliberations and discussions, the meister, chunkubaz and the scientist finally decided to pack him home.


Enquiries have confirmed that this is the 3rd mishap of the scientist in as many times ever since he has come out of Kolkata and has planned to go back during the holidays.

This time it is a broken ankle.
Last year it was pneumonia.

The year before....

wait for it....

here it comes.....



ASS OPERATION.

Life Is A Prison by Puff

Life is a prison,
Oh God let me out.
No one to listen,
To hear when you shout.
Climb the walls of insanity,
Ride the waves of despair.
If you fall it don't matter,
There's no one to care.
Used to wish for a window,
To see birds, trees and sky,
But you're better without one -
Stops you aiming too high.
Watching freedom is painful,
For those locked away.
Seeing joy, love and happiness,
Another price that you pay.
Strong is good, weak is bad.
Be it false, be it true.
Your mind makes the choice,
And enforces it too.
Cell walls built by society,
With rules to adhere.
If you breach the acceptable,
You had better beware.
Hide the pain, carry on,
Routine is the key.
Don't let on that you're not,
What you're pretending to be.
Lock it all up inside you,
How badly that bodes.
Look out for that one day,
When it all just explodes.
Leaving naught but a shell,
Base functionality too.
But killing all else,
That was uniquely you.
So how do you grow,
With a timebomb inside?
Or how to defuse it,
Without destroying its ride?



You can't.

Darkness by Emily

I'm swimming all alone in a pool of darkness
and I feel like darkness is slowly pulling me under
I yell for help but no one is there to hear it
I begin to see the water at eye level
and I kick and flail
fighting to stay above the darkness
But the darkness won't let go of its hold on me
and I slowly begin to give in
to the feeling that lies below the water line
the waters starts to fill my lungs
the lungs that once held so much life
yet now they allow the murky water to replace that
I know that this path doesn't lead to happiness
But why doesn't someone grab my hand
pull me from darkness's grasp?
because no one knows I stand at the boundary
the boundary between light and dark
so I give in to the thing that holds me
All of the strength and all of the courage
that I once held in my heart
can't save me from the water
So I slowly slip below the world of conscientiousness
undetected by the occupants of that world
I don't want to fight anymore
I've given into darkness

The meister recently saw a whole bunch of movies.

Batman Begins (Christian Bale, Heath Ledger)

Chris Nolan has done a brilliant job. Both Bale and Ledger were awesome. The meister would rate Ledger's performance on the same level as Javier Bardem in No Country for Old men. He deserves an Oscar nomination. The script was well-written and the visual effects and stunts were extra-ordinary. Eckhart as Dent was also good. We also started 'believing in Harvey Dent'.

Wanted (James McAvoy, Angelina Jolie)

Stunts were absolutely top-draw. Plus there was Jolie's ass. Need the meister say more.

Lock Stock & Two Smoking Barrells (Jason Statham, Vinnie Jones)

The meister has becoma a fan of this film. This is one of the best movies the meister has ever seen in his life. The storyline, the acting, the background score, the dialogues all of them are of stupendous quality.

Excepts: (coming later)

Kung-Fu Panda (Jack Black, Dustin Hoffman)

The funniest movie of the year. The chemistry between Black and Hoffman is superb. Po is undoubtedly one of the most lovable characters ever in celluloid history.

The Mummy - Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (Brendan Fraser, Jet Li, Michelle Yeo)

The meister loved the yetis. Plus whoever came up with the idea of a fight between zombies and the terracotta army deserves a medal. Unfortunately, there was no chemistry between Fraser and Bello. Rachel Weisz was sorely missed.

The Perfect Murder (Naseeruddin Shah, Stellan Skargskard, Amjad Khan)

A Merchant Ivory classic. The meister has always liked Keating's Inspector Ghote. Some excellent acting from all the actors made this movie truly enjoyable.

Happy for the special one

The meister is happy for his special one. She just informed him that her paper's been accepted for an international conference in Malaysia. It will be a good exposure for her and will hopefully lead to bigger and better things. It should also help her in getting out of the Bangal country.

Though the meister is extremely lazy, lackadaisical and well to tell the truth a bit of a fraud in the education department, he is ready and willing to help in any way possible.

All the best to the special one.

These humans are CRAZY!!!

The more the meister sees the world, the more he realises that his whole race - Homo Sapiens - is completely bonkers. In fact the only exception to that is the meister himself. He is lile the lone beacon of sanity in the all encompassing tumultous waves of insanity. (Bloody hell that was too literary!!)
Anyway, yesterday the meister was in EFLU and had an impromptu meeting with other football enthusiasts and all of a sudden appeared this apparition, decked in pyjamas with a cape round her shoulders and her f*ing underwear. (The meister guesses it was an attempt to bcom a superheroine.) On furhter queries it was revealed that she apparently lost a bet and thus had to make a fool of herself in public.

SKT (the guy single-handedly responsible for a massive genocide of the bee population) has once again come back to Hyd. Unfortunately, he is becoming an absolute nutter. Yesterday, just before going for a shower he took off his glasses and promptly forgot all abt it. So, after shower him, the meister and the Great Indian Chunkubaz (that notorious seducer of boudis) spent almost half an hour tearing the apartment down looking for the specs. Guess where it was finally found.



In the f*ing kitchen, thats where. Beside a packet of detergent powder.

Happy for Aru

The shockmeister is very happy for his friend Aru. She has got admission for P hechch d in a prestigious university in Los Angeles. Aru is one of the few friends of the meister who actually helped him a lot in the last couple of years and has generally been a good friend. So once again the meister is very happy for her. What's more she has also taken an apartment there. Wuhoo!!

Now only if those buggers in the government finally decide to give the meister a passport, then the meister can go to the land of the stars.

The meister was bankrupt so he had to go to an ATM. The nearest one is in the LifeStyle building. So the meister walked the whole way and back from his office. What is really surprising is that the meister did not even sweat and was not tired at all although he walked the whole length of the Begumpet overbridge twice. Bloody Hell!!!

Bhongir

The meister today went to Bhongir fort. The trip started at 9 in the morning. The birdgirl came and picked the meister up. SS was also there as was Bebo. The journey was very pleasand and it was spent bitching about thta pseudo-legal place. The onlyh other incident worth mentioning was that SS got very excited upon seeing a train.
They reached Bhongir after an hour's journey and promptly got lost while trying to find the entrance. However after a couple of false starts, they managed to locate it, buy the tickets and enter the compound. Upon which they realized that it was gonna be a hell of a climb. Undaunted, the adventurers started the climb and soon SS and the meister were seen huffing and most definitely puffing. After almost an hour, climb they reached an area from where the meister refused to go further up coz of his vertigo/altophobia. SS very sweetly agreed to accompany him while Birdgirl and Bebo went further up. One extraordinary thing that happened here was that Bebo was actually blown over by the wind- she actually fell down. After that they held hands and went up. While the other two were up, meister and SS sat and speculated about the history of the fort. They also discovered a bigass rock shaped like an anvil. Soon, the two girls started to come down. Bebo took an unique approach, she slid down on her butt. It was late found out that apparently fibers came out of her jeans. The 4 some then had lunch comprising brown rice, fish tikka and potato chips. Bebo had iced tea and sausage in a bun while SS ate only chips. This was the first time meister ate brown rice. He didn't even know that there is ricethat is brown!!!!
After lunch they proceded downweards and en route the meister made a complete of himself coz of his phobias. However, he still managed to clean the fort by collecting quite a bit of discarded junk plastic( which some very civic minded morons have lovingly left behind in the fort) and getting rid of them once outside.
From Bhongir, the 4some went to Charminar where Bebo bought some bangles. She surprised every1 with her bargaining prowess. She bought the bangles for 40 bucks while the shopkeeper was asking for 300 bucks!!!!!
After shopping, they went to Prasads to see KungFu Panda. The meister got his BP checked and it came a t 117-74, which was terrific considering that 6 months ago it was 160-110.
The 4some had some subs and cold coffee at Subway (well duh!!!) They also got some apple struddle/struffle/struggle/whatever free with their subs. The apple thingies were quite good actually.
The movie was bloody awesome.
So all in all it was a great day.

The icing on the top was when
1. the meister bought a newspaper and read that the indian pugilists have made it to the quarter ,
2. when the meister heard from his dad that Arsenal has won only by a single solitary goal against West Bromwich Albion (potentially the team which will win the least number of points this season)

and 3. when the meister came home and realized that he had inadvertently locked his roommate in the apartment all day... wuhooo

Stop making fun of the shockmeister

As the title suggests, stop making fun of the shockmeister. He is really tired of it. He knows he is a loser of epic proportions and all that but that does not mean he should be made fun of all the time. Anyway, that has been the story of the meister's life -- sadness and disappointments.
However, he is excited about tomorrow's trip to the fort. (Our sources reveal that there are likely to be loads of monkeys and as we all know monkeys and Birdgirl don't exactly go well together.) The shockmeister says that he can never thank Birdgirl and SS enough for planning the trip and taking him along.
A momentous thing happened today in the meister's life. He actually talked on the phone for almost two hours with SS. He actually ran out of balance in the middle of the conversation but the lady was nice and sweet enough to call back immediately. (It has been confirmed that they were bitching about that pseudo-legal work place, which coincidentally is the last place on earth where slavery is still practiced).
Its the longest the meister has ever spoken on the phone and he enjoyed every minute of it.
It was a day of long talks for the meister. In the evening he had a pleasant time chatting with Ru. It is said that bzoz of him Ru actually ate a kachauri (albeit her forcing most of her friends to swear to never eatthem!!)
The meister also called up KST (who by the way has the best taste in music ever) and tried talkingwith her but actually got to talk to her boyfriend Ban. Anyway she called back and the meister got to know that for the umpteenth time, KST is cooking shrimps and spaghetti. It is allegedly her favorite dish.

So all in all the meister had a nice day but it was all spoiled when a very close person made fun of him :-(

A hard night's night.

Just recently, our resident superhero the shockmeister had a n adventure of epic proportions. Ably supported by Krsh, he foiled the nefarious intentions of the Hyderabadi autowallahs. The shockmeister, Krsh and anothe friend the YashMan had gone to Reshmi's for dinner. The Yashman had recently gone to Macau and he brought a gift for the shockmeister. Imagine the shockmeister's surprise when the gift turned out to be an official Man United wallet. He was greatly pleased with YashMan's gesture nonetheless. As the shockmeister is a blueblood (for the unfortunate ones who don't know that's a die hard Chelsea fan) it was akin to Osama getting George's poster or autobiography as a gift. Anyway, after dinner, Krsh and our superhero started to walk back with the intention of getting an auto. Unfortunately, the rain god had other plans and opened his taps full throttle. So, our superhero got drenched.
Seeing the opportunity, the villainous autowallahs started to ask for exhorbitant amounts to go to Tarnaka. But, our superhero refused to kowtow to their demands. Despite carrying a load of abt 10 Kgs (he was carrying a huge bundle of books for a friend) and being drenched to the marrow, he staunchly walked on and on and on. He also took time off to help a modern day damsel in distress who was stuck with her scooty.
Anyway, he walked and walked and walked. Near Keys HIgh School, he got tired and asked an autowallah. He was prepared to give a few rupees extra. The damn autowallah demanded Rs. 120!!!! In return, he got a look of utter disdain from the shockmeister.
With pained feet, wet clothes, heedless of mother nature's call and with steely resolve, our hero kept walking and walking and walking............




He was late to office on the next day.

Luw

The shockmeister is in luw. He has been in the condition for nearly 2.5 years now. He recently proposed to the girl. However, the girl has categorically stated that she will never marry the shockmeister. The shockmeister is sad but he has no complaints. He knows that living with the shockmeister is bloody difficult, almost impossible. Unfortunately, shockmeister is a one woman guy. So he has mentally prepared himself to live the rest of his life all alone.

Poor shock, nobody luws him.

But he is not too worried. There's always football!!!!!

Shockmeister to the rescue!

The shockmeister recently got involved in a heated argument involving 5 Russian girls and 1 Telugu autowallah. Apparently the Russians got into the auto at Prasads and told the driver that they they wanted to go near Osmania University. Following the great tradition ofthe autowallahs, the guy asked them to pay Rs. 120 which they agreed to.
The problem - the girls stay in Sitafalmandi and not Osmania.
The agitated autowallah started shouting and demanding more money. The agitated Russians started shouting and refusing to pay 1 single extra rupee. The shockmeister started enjoying the event immensely.
However, the shockmeister's enjoyment was mometary as things started to escalate with the girls threatening to call those modern day organised hooligans also known as the police.
The shockmeister had to get involved. He calmed both parties down. He convinced the autowallah to take the girls to take them to their homes and convinced the girls to pay the amount. He also accompanied the girls in the auto to their house.
In return for his involvement, the shockmeister got a thanks and free return trip from the autowallah and smiles and thanks from the Russians.

All in all a nice night's work, don't you think?

Horns of a Dilemna

The shockmeister is in a dilemna. There are 6 puppys in ciefl campus. The question which is reverberating in the shockmeister's mind is whether he should take them to Blue Cross or not. The problem is with the pups' mum. She is a frail thing and the shockmeister does not want to take a chance with separation. On the other hand it is imperative to shift the puppies, coz the puppies are definitely not in a healthy environment. In fact one of the puppies was run over by a fruit of a union between a pig and a whore; the pup bled to death in shockmeister's hands while he tried to save it. Unfortunately he could not get any of his friends to help coz they were all busy.

So, this is one more problem in the life of the shockmeister.
What is he going to do???