The Commandments according to LordMeister

The Meister follows certain codes in life.  He did not hear or receive these codes or commandments on top of a hill from some mysterious light etc etc...so u muppets can relax...u aren't going to wander around the desert for the next few decades. Anyway, the Meister does not believe in preaching since he believes that humans are by and large muppets and so there is no point in telling good things to people because people are greedy, selfish, money hungry _s who do not give a crap about other people, animals, the earth etc etc. 

As stated in an earlier post, Meister does not believe in any higher supreme power or god (though Gus Hiddink comes close). These are codes which he himself has developed. They are based on the principle that "If you do good things, good things will happen to you".

I) Thou shalt always always be kind to animals

no compromise, not even in the face of armageddon

II) Thou shalt never hit someone weaker than thou

This is especially true for kids and women...thou can defendeth thyself from attack by women but thou shalt not strike them...as far as kids go...let them be kids...sooner rather than later maternal bullying nagging and pressure will taketh a toll on their lives anyway. However, thou art allowed to beat up Ayush Prasad whenever a chance presenteth itself. 

III) Thou shalt not cheat

Even though there might be morons present who art begging to be cheated, thou shalt desist from cheating them...thou shalt also desist from kicking their asses (exception: Ayush Prasad)

IV) Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife/fiancee/ girlfriend

Thou can eyeth or voyeureth but thou shall not call them up, go to their house when thy friend is not around or flirt. Of course if the woman in question is a schoolfriend or collegefriend, rule does not apply...but again it brings up the philosophical question...can a woman be a friend of a man??

V) Thou shalt not lie

unless the truth will give thy parents mental and physical anguish.....in such cases, thou shalt shut thy mouth

VI) Thou shalt punch S Sreeshanth the first chance thou getteth

if thou never getteth a chance, then thou can go ahead and punch Ayush Prasad

VII) Thou shalt never trust or be close to a woman again

as women will inevitably lead to sufferings, lies, heartbreak, betrayal and pain...women are dangerous, selfish, cruel, vindictive

VIII) Thou shalt not be biased against any particular human race or religion

Thou shalt hate everyone equally and fairly. However, since the rule is for human races and religions, bias towards Pakistanis (who are inhuman monsters who should be annihilated) and Ayush Prasad (who has been disqualified from the human race) are allowed.

IX) Thou shalt not be jealous or envious of anybody or anything

Apart from the Special One's boyfriends and future husband

X) Thou shalt not live beyond 65

60 is the ideal age, additional 5 years for getting everything in order. If thou art not dead by natural causes by 65, then thou shall commit suicide. 

A-foocking-men and halle-foocking-lujah