Antels and Oranges

Oranges have crept in the Meister's life lately (due to no fault of his own though)

It all started when the Uber Antel wanted a book about oranges and bananas etc titled Oranges are Not the Only Fruit. Meister, being a simple proletariat thought that it was a book about fruits and farming etc. So he ordered the book via internet.



Everything hunky dory so far.



But the book never arrives and the Uber started asking pointed questions etc etc.

Meister got really worried and scared. So he called up the booksellers. Those muppets said that the book has gone out of stock and that they will be refunding the money.

The Meister got really scared. He did not want to get shouted at. He started thinking of what to do.


Finally he got the brilliant brainwave (he is really smart you know....just a bit slow) of looking at other bookshops and sites. Alas, it was not there in any of the other websites.


Moreover, it turns out that the book is about lesbians......one of the censored words in office computers or something.


So he decided to browse through Landmark and Crossword. Alas, again - their websites suck. He tried looking at the British Council index but soon realised that like a dynamic dimwit, he had forgotten his password etc.


So he decided to call Landmark (Crossword website directs user to Shopper's Stop - foocking muppets).


So, Meister called Landmark

M: I want Oranges are not the Only Fruit

Landmark Employee: I am sorry Sir! We don't have oranges here. We don't sell fruits.

M: Nono, I don't want oranges or bananas. I want a book. It is called Oranges are not the Only Fruit.

LE: I don't think we have any books on fruits and vegetables right now Sir.

M: Nono, its not about fruits, its ablout lesbians.

LE: Eh?

M: Yep, it is a book by a lady called Jeannette Whatshername.

L: I am sorry sir but we don't have any such book at the moment.

M (in a rare moment of lucidity and on the spot intelligence): OK, what about your branches in the other cities? Do they have it?

L: If you place an order Sir, then we can get it for you.

M: Get it man, get it. Its a foocking emergency. No beard is safe!!!

L: Errr Sir? Excuse me?

M: Never mind, just get the book as soon as you can. Here's my number.


Couple of days later ,they called saying that they have found the book in one of their other branches and should they get it? Meister went: yeaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!

A couple of days later they again called saying Sir Sir we got it etc. Upon hearing it Meister rode like the wind (well a very slow wind as the max speed of his scooter is 25 km/hr) and bought it and later in the evening gave it to the Uber one.


In the meantime, on Sunday he was assaulted with a deadly weapon. Well, a semi-deadly weapon anyway.

Meister's lips have gone all bionkers....some thing about vitamin deficiency or something. When Meister told Uber this, she gave an evil laugh - thereby scaring both the Meister and the autowallah and then she brought out a jar.



And then she scooped some chemicals out of it



And then she assaulted the Meister. She pounced on him and before he could defend himself put them chemicals on his lips. It was petroleum jelly and it tasted and smelt like oranges.


Meister couldn't taste anything apart from oranges for the next 48 hours or so.



To put the cherry on the top, Meister got tea with an orange inside it at Pizza Hut - though he had ordered for lemonade.