Suicide

You know that Meister wants to commit suicide don't you? Well, if you didn't know you do. Now Meister knows what you are pondering. You are pondering

Why Meister Why?

Well, let the Meister regale you with the story of a typical day in the Meister's life.

As a lot of things start, this also starts with a dream. People dream and fantasise right? Sometime about love and sex etc also right?

Meister does also. Unfortunately, in the Meister's case, even in his dreams and fantasies, he never gets sex. Other people have sex, Meister gets rejected and shouted at.

So in Meister's case, dreams imitate reality. Sigh

So with a heavy heart, Meister gets up, and the power goes off. Meister goes to office. En route he gets overtaken by all and sundry including a bicycle, a running kid, a lost tortoise and a lazy snail.

He also did get to see 7 - yes thats right 7 - scooters each with 2 females all wearing jackets and sweaters and other assorted paraphernilia. Just for the record it was bloody hot, Meister was sweating despite wearing only a thin cotton shirt and a jeans.

Anyway, he reached office only to find out that it was the last day for tax filing. Consternation etc prevailed. Anyway he had to finish a batch of work all hurriedly and stuff in order to go back home and therein laid another problem.

You know that the Meister moves around in an e-scooter. Well with a top speed of 25 km/hr it is not suited for emergencies. So Meister had to beg his colleagues for the use of their vehicles. From previous experience Meister knew that Mr. V's Honda has a teenie weenie problem - brakes are temeperamental, sometimes they work, sometimes they don't. So Meister asked Lil McD for the use of his 2 wheeler.

When it was time for Meister to leave office, the power went off - meaning the lifts stopped working and Meister had to climb down 5 floors worth of stairs. So he went down all tired and wilted and hopped on the vehicle and discovered that

The left brake is more or less a figment of imagination, there are no rear view mirrors and the whole chassis shakes like a skeleton doing the rumba during an earthquake

Suffice to say that Meister's BP went up up and away.

Anyway he managed to reach home without any incident and collapsed once in. So what happens - the power goes off yet again. A hat trick.

Anyway, Meister starts searching for his LIC, ICICI, PROv Fund, Mediclaim et all certificates....and continues searching frantically....scaring MidasDude in the process btw.

After half an hour of frantic searching and destroying his apartment Meister finally found his stuff....and felt so bad that he had to lie down for a few minutes.

By this time his BP had more or less reached the stratosphere.

Anyway, after lying down and calming down etc, he went on the return journey and it was hot. It was so hot that by the time Meister reached office, he had lost about a couple of litres in sweat.

So he goes back to office, submits his papers etc, collapses on his chair............................................

and gets an interview call

Even on a good day, Meister is not a good interviewee, forget a bad day. Meister has no clue what he rambled. Suffice to say the company hasn't called back.

So with a heavier heart et all, Meister gets to work and continues working till its time to leave.

So after finishing a loooooooooooooooooong day, Meister goes to the parking lot and sees that some bastard had again tried to steal his scooter.

So the was tired, sad and pissed off. But hey who cares about the Meister.

Anyway he comes home - after buying some chicken curry from Garden. He thought that rice and chicken curry would be a good dinner.

But, Uber called him up to say she wants to go out for dinner with Hippo and Weirdaccent and asked whether he wants to join them. Meister thinking that it would be somewhere nearby agrees. So he goes to the campus and

somehow someway

his scooter key gets stuck inside the lock.

After an hour of futile pulling and pushing and oiling et all the key came out but the lock broke :-(

So there was no other option than to physically manhandle the scooter to the parking lot and keeping it there. Hippo and Midas helped.

Even then it was almost too much for Meister's wee lil heart. So he sat down and while panting found out that the the assorted intelligentsia wanted to go to Indijoes in foocking Banjara Hills!!!!! Meister was about to say no thank you when thankfully they decided that its too far.

So this is more or less a typical day in the Meistric life. And this goes on over and over and over.....like that groundgog day thingy.

So now you know why he wants to commit suicide.

And guess what? he has found the perfect way how to. All he needs to do is to stop taking his medicines. After 1 day of not taking medicines he becomes a virtual vegetable. After 1 month, death via heart attack is more or less guaranteed.