Dorks through the Ages

Ahh, the dorks, those perennial victims in movies...those outstanding citizens who are the butt of everybody's jokes...the ones who never get the girls in colleges (well unless the dorks are girls, in which case, they never get the hunks)..but who end up being heroes - every single nutter one of them.


We start in distant antiquity...a few years after the species pondered on and eventually voted for its as yet greatest (Special One bound to disagree) career decision - to branch off and to come down from the trees.


You see there was this fat lazy bugger, who hated walking, running, hunting and any other type of exercise so much that he never went out, the neandhertal just stayed in his cave all day fiddling with stuff. he was so anipathic to locomotion that he was forever thinking of something that will carry him with minimum effort - and after a few hiccups and swearings, voila - he got the wheel...bless ye laddie bless ye, ye probably got a girl, but you have made the Meister's life much much much easier.


We Indians have traditionally been uber-lazy asses (a tradition Meister is whole-heartedly upholding). As a result, we have always spoken highly of dorks. Dorks have always been respected and venerated here. And we have had and still continue to hav a massive plethora of dorks....liberally interspaced by complete and utter nerds. We are perhaps the only country in the world where physical prowess is frowned upon. And the biggest dork in our history probably is Aryabhatta. Great man - but total dork.

The man proposed that the earth rotates on an axis. He developed the since, cosine etc and so gave birth to trigonometry (why man why), he did weird things to algebra and that number pi, he more or less accurately calculated the circumference of the planet and the length of the sidereal rotations and sidereal years. He explained eclipses.

But perhaps his greatest achievement, and the one for which he is really famous is the invention of absolutely nothing. Yes people, the legend invented 0. Seriously people, think about how big  dork  person has to be to invent nothingness. As one of the mancient Brahmins, there is a distinct probability that he never went near a woman.


Another legenday dork was that German fella Guttenberg. The fella invented/created the printing press..(though he later bankrupt.....Bible? Bible? come on man, if you want money, fame and readership print either a footy magazine or erotic stories). According to wiki, he never got married either.


Another famous dork has been ole Leonardo. The man is widely thought of as the most diversely talented man in history (well thought of by everybody except the memebers of the Creature Fan Club...who believe Creature to be the most taleneted creature ever).  The man is famous for his paintings of the Last Supper, the Vitruvian Man and Mona Ogg. He also conceptualised a hang glider, a helicopter, a tank, a calculator an automated bobbin winder and a machine for testing the tensile strength of wire. He did lots of research on optics, anatomy etc. But the thing is he never got a girl. What a dork though.


Now we come to ole Sir Isaac. A man so big a dork that instead of spending his free times talking to girls, he used to go and sit below apple trees. A man so legendary a dork that when a neighbourhood rowdy threw an apple at him, instead of throwing it back or eating it, he deveoped the notion of gravity. Suffice to say no girl ever came within a mile of him.



The new generation dorks - Bill Gates, Sergei and Larry have bucked the trend - they got the money, the lespect and the goils, thus fulfilling the ancient Biblical prophesy that the dorks shall inherit the earth.


So here's to ye dorks, ye certainly made the Meister's life much easier.