Meister's on a Highway to Nadir

It has been well documented and statistically proven that good things on a sustained basis do not happen to the Meister (unlike bad things on a continuous basis, which has never let go of Meister's hands, legs, bollocks etc)

 

 

Whenever something even remotely good happens, it is immediately and almost always inevitably followed by something much worse.

 

 

So imagine the Meister's consternation when a succession of goodly things started happening in his life. He gets invited to birthday parties, he gets free ice cream samples, Chelsea wins games emphatically and reaches the very edge of a double. He was definitely on the journey to zenith.


Meister could feel disaster, sadness, misery etc etc looming on the horizon. He could feel it in his blood, nerves, corpuscles, pee, crap etc etc.


And guess what, the journey to nadir started (as predicted, as envisaged)



1. The Spawn of Sauron and a Chupacabra decides to haunt the Meisterplace.

She

• Eats part of the Meisterdoor
• Regularly wakes up Meister in the middle of the night
• Craps in his apartment
• Pees in his apartment
• Pees all over him
• Eats his bedsheet
• Eats his Landmark bag
• Beat up Jimbo
• Emits noxious dangerous fumes from her arse (if canned, can be classified as an WMD)

 Lets see a typical day

Meister goes to sleep at 130

 

From 230 she starts scratching the door and whining

 

Meister wakes up to see whats the matter and opens door, she happily comes and lies down in front of the cooler and withing 5 minutes starts snoring and farting

 

At 7 in the morning, she starts whining again so Meister wakes up and with bleary eyes takes her out for a walk, she pees and craps a whole bucket, and then comes back

 

At 845 while Meister is reading the newspaper, she pees and moves while peeing thereby spraying it all over Meister (yes the only creature who moves while peeing)

 

 

 

2. Meister's office decides on a cost cutting exercise where they stop paying salaries to employess

 

 

3. Meister's netbanking stops working

 

 

4. Meister's hands shake so much that he drops an almost full cup of Barrista cold coffee

 

 

5. People start being all condescending and mean

 

 

6. People start making fun of the Meister

 

 

7. People start lying and insulting his intelligence (stop sniggering)

 

 

 

And all this in the space of only 2-3 days, so you can anticipate whats gonna happen in the coming days can't you

 

 

 

The journey continues, Nadir is in sight,

 

 

all of this means that we are gonna lose to Portsmouth and Wigan

 

 

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSIIIIIIIIIGHHHHHHHHHHH

 

 

 

P.S. People keep asking the Meister why he doesn't get married.

 

Well judging by history, he will probably suffer from erectile disfunction, impotency and premature ejaculation and his wife will cheat on him.

 

So no thanks. The Meisterlife is sad enough already