Epic Fail

Recently, there has been a lot of negative feedback regarding the Meisterblog. And strangely, surprisingly and sadly, its been regarding the Meister's deep dislike and disgust of a certain creature (and its mentor). It seems that said creature has so succesfully managed to brainwash the populace that they see nowt wrong in mollycoddling and supporting said creature. The populace have now taken to spewing forth claims that Meister is unnecessarily harsh on said creature and that Meister will be sued etc.

Said creature hasn't had the balls to say anything (no surprises there); said creature's so-called-mentor tried and was ordered to piss off - these two, by the way have their heads stuck so far up each other's ass that they can only see, smell, hear, taste the world through a pile of deepshit


All that the Meister can say in this matter is that:


1. The PC brigade (or the brigade which has had courage surgically removed from their essence) still hasn't managed to castrate the Meister and never will till his dying breath (coming very soon to a hospital near you). Whatever else the Meister is, he ain't a foocking hypocrite he will say the same thing to someone's face and to his back - unlike most people who will be all lovey dovey and very nice to the face and all bitchy once the back is turned
2. Meister has lost faith in a humanity (yes yes again) which sees fit to support said creature and that they deserve whatever comes their way.



Meister gives up. He expected better from certain people, well he should have known better.

All Meister requests, and requests fervently, is for the populace to leave him alone and to never utter the name of the said creature in his presence. The AP Fan Club can love him, adore him, support him, put him on a throne, put him on their heads, lick his ass - whatever.


Meister doesn't care anymore. Its just an epic failure of humanity.

Rant over.


Now, talking of epic failsures, Meister was recently thinking about what will constitute the Top 10 Epic Fails in History. Here's what he could think of.


1. Inalchuk, governor of Otrar, killing the envoys of (and consequently pissing off) Ghenzis Khan

Way to go dumbass, you are single-handedly resposible for the complete ands utter destruction of your empire and your people....not to mention getting liquid silver poured into your eyes, ears nose etc etc


2. Napolean invading Russia

Invading the Austrians and the Spaniards (seriously everyone beats these 2, they are like the whipping boys of the western world) and invading the Russians - not the same thing eh?

On an aside only 1 group has ever successfully manged to invade Russia and thats those Mongols (who probably considered the Russian winter as springtime).

3. Paris eloping with Helen

The wife of the King of Sparta? When the brother of the said king is the bloody King of Athens and can call upon the King of Ithaca (never mind Achilles).... Seriously??

If love is blind, then someone should have taught this lad Braille. Numbnut


4. Ravana abducting Sita

Well at least Ravana can plead ignorance, he thought he was just abducting some forest dweller. You should have thought with your head, not your balls dude...and oh you should never have listened to Surpanakha



5. Porus using elephants on the river bank against Alexander
 
Mobility my dear Sir, mobility.
 
Ok, so he was defending his realm and showed real heroism etc etc but great millitary strategist he ain't. Well can't really blame him. Our (Indian) history is full of brilliant geniuses of battlefield tacticians.
 
 
6. Charge of the Light Brigade
 
Speaking of complete and utter incompetence


7.  Whoever constructed/founded Pompey


Hey look this looks like such a beautiful place. Its just under a foocking volcano, why don't we build a city here


8. The Austrian and French armies, and oh also the Spanish

The Austrians have never won anything. Absolutely nothing. Why they ever bothered to have an army is beyond the Meister.

The Spaniards have created mass genocide when the opposition had bows and arrows etc but have had their asses handed out to them from Francis Drake to Nelson to Napolean right down to Simon Boliver.


The French, oh boy the French, the last and only French winner was that William, Duke of Normandy and that was 1066......they haven't won anything since.
 
 
9. Marcus Antonius (can't be arsed to Wiki him and get his full name)
 
Dude, making speeches are all well and good, but did you seriously have to piss off Octavian by declaring Ceaserion as the heir of Julius? You would think someone would have better sense than to oppose the most popular and powerful man of the empire.
 
 
10. Admit it, you thought this was going to be about said creature's parents fucking without protection thereby giving rise to such a disgusting reprehensible waste of oxygen, didn't you?

Nope, no 10 refers to Meister falling in love - it has only led to doom, gloom, misery, heartbreak and all other kinds of sad stuff.  The iconic idiot should have stuck to cake and footy but no like a dynamic dumdum he decided to wade in waters he has been disqualified from.

Sigh

Well, its not all bad, it has given Meister a reason to look forward to his impending death - he wants to go the afterlife and give the soul of Tennyson the world's biggest wedgie. Better to have Loved and lost Meister's ass.