Luj Characters

Meister usually doesn't write this kind of posts, but damn he got depressed (ok ok there's nothing new in that). Ok so does write this kind of posts. Damn.

History has proven, over and over and over, that when it comes to wars and battles and martial glory, we are just not good enough. True, we have won the odd battles, but when it comes to wars we have always lost. The only time we won wars were when we fought ourselves (Ramayana and Mahabharata and Pakistan 1947-)

Whenever we had to fight foreigners, we had been as awful and useless as Suresh Raina on a bouncy wicket, or the Meister at sex, or rather the Meister at anything relating to women. Frankly disgusting and embarassing. Meister means his sex life of course, not our martial endeavours. At least we fought and lost, the Meister was disqualified from sex even before he started.

Anyway all this profound cogitation is a result of a television programme.

There's this new show on tv called Deadliest Warriors. It comes on History Channel. Meister is loving it. The concept is that they will pit 2 of history's greatest warriora against each other in every episode to check who would have emerged victorious. The episodes in the 1st season featured the following...the ones in bold came out as winners.

Apache vs Gladiator
Viking vs Samurai
Spartan vs Ninja
Pirate vs Knight
Yakuza vs Mafia
Green Beret vs Spetsnaz
Shaolin Monk vs Māori Warrior
William Wallace vs ShakaZulu
IRA vs Taliban

For more info visit
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deadliest_Warrior
http://www.spike.com/show/31082/

Whose big idea was to put a pirate against a knight? Dumbass. The pirate had flintlock and blunderbuss, the knight had a sword. No contest. Also no contest was that Shaolin Monk v the Maori. Come on guys kung fu v wooden clubs etc. Be serious.

The top 2 were kickass contests though. However, the most lopsided contest wasn't any of the abovementioned but involved the Spartan. He kicked the everloving crap out of the ninja. man, the Spartans were good.
The Meister also liked the Talibans getting blown to smithcreens by the IRA and the Green Berets losing to those Russian fellows.

Now, what bugs and depresses the Meister is that there's no Indian warrior anywhere near the horizon. We have no martial race or style to speak of at all. We always lose our wars.

Starting from Porus (who in his infinite wisdom brought elephants to a battle on the river bank.....muppet) and going to Prithviraj Chauhan (who was allegedly dallying with his wife when his kingdom was attacked.....idiot)...not to forget the Rajputs and the Sikhs (who despite being brave, no doubt about that, always always manged to lose to the Muslim invaders)...and the Marathas (who thought using cavalry and artillery in a battle is enough, infantry is so overrated etc etc...and subsequently got a proper bollocking from Wellesley's army [Battle of Assay])...and finally to the Bong rulers (Laxman Sen to be precise).....who ran away from his capital upon seeing 16 men on horseback - who btw were on a purely recon mission.

Seriously, can you see any Indian group, throughout our history, fighting and beating the Spartans or the Mongols or the Romans?

Meister neither.

Even the Indian army lost when they tried to fight the comrades from the east.

They did and still does regularly spank those idiots from the west but that do not count as
a. they are a bunch of idiots
b. irrespective of what anyone says they are absolutely the same as us in every possible way......only stupider

So all this brings the Meister to the conclusion that we are not meant for fighting, we are not warriors.

We are a nation of philosophers, and poets, and lovers.

Or in other words,

We are a nation of luj characters.