Them Proverbs

Meister was recently thinking about proverbs. Don't ask why. Anyway, while thinking of them proverbs, he realised that quite few of them have become outdated or are simply wrong.

And because the Meister has all the time in the world, he is going to do a commentary on some of them.

A Bird in the Hand is worth Two in the Bush

This always always makes the Meister smile :-)

A good beginning makes a good ending

The Meister is living proof that that is pure bunkum. He has sat through crappy movies and read quite a few crappy books in his time. You people will also probably feel the same way once you rech the end of this blog :-)

A good man is hard to find

Hulloooo, the Meister is right here

A miss is as good as a mile

Doesn't make any sense whatsoever. Meister would have understood had it said a miss is as good as a missus or for those of a feministic inclination - a miss is good as a mister.

He would have even understood had it said - a miss is as good (or even better) as/than a Meister, but a mile. How a mile comes into the picture is just confusing.

Don't cross the bridge till you come to it

How else in hell's name is a person supposed to cross it then? Some of these things are just weird the Meister swears.

Every Jack has his Jill

Should be disqualified for being utterly and pathetically wrong. How is it wrong you ask?

Well Exhibit A - Meister

Fight fire with fire

Meister just hopes that some silly ass have not gone and told the firefighters this. The last time they tried it, this was the result - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Fire_of_London

Flattery will get you nowhere

Whoever came up with this have clearly never worked in an Indian company.

Good things come to those who wait

27 years 11 months and 5 days and still waiting.......

He who laughs last laughs longest

Now this the Meister agrees is often true. But then again, it is true because generally the person concerned is a tube light (you know someone who understands something half an hour after everyone else have undrstood it)

Hard work never did anyone any harm

This is the sort of thing them capitalist bosses or them rich landowners come up with in order to retain their imperialistic hegemony over money.

Off with their heads the Meister says, power to the people the Meister says,

Liberty, Equality etc etc the Meister says

but then again, that means Meister would technically be equal to Ayush Prasad

so, in that case, Status Quo should be maintained the Meister says

It never rains but it pours

Maybe in England or Cherapunji but definitely not in Hyderabad

It's never too late

That suspiciously sounds like Fergie time

It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all

Now this, amongst all the proverbs makes the Meister go bananas. This is a statement of such astounding muppetery, that the Meister is speechless.

Thankfully, this is a blog and so the Meister can still write.

What kind of a sick pathetic inhumane joke is that? What twisted sadistic mind can even conceive of such a thing? Oh, yes that its that tone deaf bourgeois Tennyson....foocking hell man, you should have stuck to all them Lady Shallott, Lotos Eaters and Light Brigade stuff. You have no clue how badly it hurts, mate, falling in love and getting rejected. Be glad Emily didn't reject you.

Of course, Meister is a reasonable man and he will give you the benefit of the doubt. It is possible that you really were talking about your favourite footy team loosing a match, in which case all is forgiven (unless you were a Manure, in which case double curse you)

Less is more

Eh? Its like saying darkness is light, evil is good, Gary foocking Neville is human, Ayush Prasad is smart etc etc

Let the dead bury the dead

How lazy are we as a species???????????

Marry in haste, repent at leisure

6 words - 4 of them redundant. The proverb would have been much more genuine and succint had it stated

Marry - Repent

Never judge a book by its cover

Unless said book is a book written by some Serbian fella with a Polish name (or some Polish fella with a Serbian name...Meister never remembers). Same refutation also applies to all antel books and anything written by Iris Murdoch, Thomas Hardy, Stephanie Mayers or for that matter anything in the Mills and Boons series.

Never look a gift horse in the mouth

Another one which Meister does not understand. Sound advice though. As in if someone gives you a horse, why look at its mouth?

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me

May be applicable for some insensitive fellas or some hard nutters, definitely for the Meister.

The child is the father of the man

This just bewilders the Meister. What does this mean? Is it promoting incest or something? Even then, Meister would have thought it physcially impossible for the child to be the father of man. Its too complicated for a simple mind like the Meister's. That psycho fella Freud would have had a field day with it though.

The best things in life are free

Lets see shall we?

Watching footy - not free

Cake - not free

Potatoes - not free

Chocolate - not free

Ice cream - not free

Alcohol - not free

Getting abuse and being shouted at by all and sundry - free

Go figure

The female of the species is more deadly than the male

Now this the Meister wholeheartedly agrees with

You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar

Now who in their right minds would want to catch flies uis beyond the Meister.

What the eye doesn't see, the heart doesn't grieve over

Something tells the Meister that the numpty who came up with that was deaf

You can have too much of a good thing

That just does not make any sense at all. Is it saying that too much footy is a bad thing? IS it? Seriously? And before any muppet starts claiming tht the proverb does not say 'cannot' Meister would advice them all to go and check their school grammar to figure out the connotaions of the word 'too'

You can't make bricks without straw

Maybe in the 16th century, not now....some one update this....you can have something like

You can't make coffee without milk

Meister knows that technically you can and that there are some sad deluded numpties who actually drink that stuff, but coffee without milk is Guus-awful that it is better to drink one's own pee...that at least is allegedly good for health.

Two heads are better then one

A mysoginist proverb!! Who would have thunk!! And funnily enough the muppet feminists haven't figured it out yet.

Does the Meister have to spell it out?

Think about it?

Who has two heads?

Men do...one on the top of their neck and the other on the top of their doodah.

This reminds the Meister of that old joke - you know the one about Why are men better thinkers and women better talkers?

Coz men have two heads and women have four lips

There's more than one way to skin a cat and There are more ways of killing a cat than choking it with cream and Give a dog a bad name and hang him

Animal cruelty!!!!! Which sick bastard wants to do that??!!!!

The way to a man's heart is through his stomach

Meister really can't argue with that now can he :-) Although supporting the man's footy club would also help.

There are two sides to every question

Oh yeah? Pray tell the two sides of the question - What is your name?

The only good Indian is a dead Indian

Even the foocking Paki bastards have a proverb of their own!!!!!!!

The husband is always the last to know

The Meister would respectfully and vehemently like to disagree and refute this. It is usually the Meister who is the last to know.

The good die young

Nonsense...Exhibit A - the Meister...he is still alive isn't he?

Only fools and horses work

What about the Meister then? He knows he is not a horse, he has a certificate and everything. So if he is not a horse, does that mean he is a......oh crap