Evil Spirits

Recently (don't ask when, its all lost in the mists of time), the Meister was discussing evil spirits, demons etc with the Anoian Tippy Tapper. Maybe the recent Chupacabra infestation of the Meisterhouse was a reason for discussion.

Apparently they (the coconut oil lovers) have a creature called Yakshi who go around drinking blood and killing people. A female vampire in other words.

Well, motherland (Bong country - a place from where Meister has been disqualified for

a. calling Tagore over rated (as a story writer and painter)
b. refusing to act like a pompous twat or be politically correct
c. announcing, in an SFI convention, that his favorite politician is George W Bush
d. laughing hysterically during a sombre poetry recital
e. announcing that all poets, amateur singers and those into amateur dramatics should be kept locked up) 

also has its own share of vampires and blood suckers. You can identify them by the fact that they go around calling each other comrades.


Now while chatting, the Meister regaled (or bored the crap out of) the Anoian with a story from motherland. Here it is now for the rest of ye lot.


There was this very famous and rich trader. He was a fan of Lord Shiva (he had the jerseys, the flags, the scarves etc the whole shcamoddle so to speak). He said he will worship only Shiva and no one else (the one club, one love syndrome). Now this pissed off Manasa, the goddess of snakes. She was flexing her muscles and buying up all the important personalities. She threatened the trader with direconsequences (snake bites) if he doesn't worship her.

The trader said: pffft my fffttt, piss off etc etc.


Manasa was enraged but couldn't do anything as the dude was a supporter of Lord Shiva. She waited


Now the trader had a son called Lokhinder. For all intents and purposes he was a complete waste of time and story space (much like Nani). Anyway, that dummy got married to a girl called Behula (who named these people??? seriously!!!! from the whole plethora of sexy girl names to choose from they chose Behula - which btw is similar to the Bong term for violins, go figure).
 
The trader was concerned and he protected everything with lots of soldiers, he blocked all doors, lit up all places, cleaned all areas etcetc.


The wedding night arrived, the newly weds started fucking, and just when things got really interesting, a snake came to the wedding room through a hole in the wall and bit the groom to death. Behula, who was on the verge of orgasm, was understandably distraught. (Meister had problems empathising with her situation untill the use of an analogy - imagine its the Champs League final, the last penalty kick, if u score u win...and your captain goes and falls flat on his arse)

Howls of anguish and nooooooooooooooooooo was heard for miles around (not from Behula but from Meister that night).


Behula was so sexually frustrated that she decided that she announced that she is going to appeal to people upstairs.


People were initially baffled as they were simple folk and there were only one story houses back then.


Understanding dawned after the use of a few choiced invectives by Behula.


They built a raft and put the groom's body in it, Behula then boarded and set sail for heaven. She started meditating and praying. her prayers were so succesful that Indra (the 2nd biggest luj character of them all) instructed his assistant to "Beam em up Scotty" (c. Anoian Tippy Tapper)


Once she reached the place, she first of all puked a lot (movement sickness you see). Once that was over, she started protesting to the gods about the rights of man, or in this case woman - Emmeline Pankhurst has nothing on the Indian girls eh.

She was so infuriated that apparently she started dancing (don't ask why, weird girl that) ....the gods being complete and utter luj characters, got infatuated with her and told her: Ask a boon, come on come on ask something from us.


She said: Give my husband's life back, you dickheads


Gods were like, sure (though Indra apparently murmured something like - but she didn't take off any clothes, but couldn't protest much as the whole plethora of goddesses started giving him dirty looks).


Manasa however protested, she said : "no way Jose" etc 
 

Gods were in trouble, on the 1 hand they had given their words, on the other hand, though immortal, no one wants to get bitten by snakes.


So they formed a committe to look into the matter. (seriously did we Indians have...sigh)


After copious quantities of ambrosia was consumed and heated discussions - apparently there was no accord between the Conservative party led by Brahma and the Neo Liberals led by Ganesha - they finally decided to approach the trader.


They went to the trader and tried to persuade him to worship Manasa.


He said: foock off


The committe was in trouble. Finding no other options, they approached Lord Shiva.

 
They told him of the matter.



Siva: Its like all cool bro. I will like talk to the fellow whatsisname, don't worry, peace man. Now give me my bong unless you want to get blown into smithscreens.


He promptly forgot everything about it.



After about 4 reminders, he finally sent a message to the trader - Hey man its all cool ROTFL, u can worship Manasa man LMAO, I don't mind. Incidentally, I have heard that they are growing some seriously cool shit over at that place next to that thing which comes after that stuff, you know what I mean. Next time you do them ritual thingies, throw some of that shit in the fire will you. C U L8R



So the trader, while performing puja to Shiva, throws a few flowers to Manasa's idol as well.


Gods: Ah, have accord, we can give back the life.


Manasa: No, I want roses and candlelight and.....


Kartik: If you don't agree now, I will tell dad that your snakes have recently destroyed a few acres of prime farmland where they were growing weed.


Life was given back hurriedly.



Anyway, Meister asked his colleagues whether they knew about any Telugu evil spirit or demon etc. The anser was a blank look and shakes of heads.


Getting no help from that quarter, Meister started thinking (stop sniggering), and within minutes got the answer.


There are indeed a group of creatures who make the Telugus whimper in fear. They all break out in sweat and start muttering prayers to their extensive plethora of gods for protection.


This group of creatures is so vile, so dangerous, so bloodthirsty, so malignant and mortiferous, so savage that they have driven all other demons and evil creatures away from the land.


This group is far far far more dangerous than Al Qaida, Taleban, LeT, Klu Klux Klan, the Thuggies and amateur poets combined.


They can not only destroy your own body and soul but also that of your preceding 17 and succeeding 18 generations.


If you utter their names loudly, not only you, but your family, your clan, your community, your viallge, town, city etc all get cursed.

So whisper the name quietly, and then pray pray pray





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