Holy Mother of Phytoplanktons Fatman, What a Fortnighty Thingy

This is the Potato subbing for the Meister again. It seems some silly asses has gone and filled his head with ideas about writing fiction and publishing them etc. Ever since he has been dreaming of glory, success, fame etc.

 

 

Poor muppet, when will he learn

 

 

Anyway, it seems Meister had an interesting weekend (despite the best efforts of chupacabras and snotty people).

 

 

It all started on Friday.

 

 

Hippo was getting married. Meister was given an order to procure a bouquet of white flowers. Now Meister and flowers don't really get along very well. In fact, barring, roses, sunflowers and lotuses, he possibly wouldn't be able to identify any other flower for toffee.

 

 

So with some of them trepe..trepi...with a fair degree of fear, he set out for a flower shop. He found one in Begumpet and was about to park Baldrick illegally, when he came face to face with a traffic cop. Meister being one of them intelligent fellas immediately asked th cop for suggestions regarding where he could park. The cop, being Indian, immediately pointed to the same illegal space which Meister was eyeing.

 

 

Once that business was over, Meister entered the shop and in a few minutes managed to bug the crap out of the shop assistants with his incessant questions regarding what's this and what's that. Anyway after about 30-40 minutes of extreme hairpulling (on the part of the shop dudes) Meister got his bouquet. Suffice to say that there was no pink any where. It had something called Reincarnations (?), something called Asian Cauliflowers (?) and something that looked like a sunflower but had a different name.

 

 

With such weaponry in his arsenal, Meister went home, wore his skin tight khadis and proceeded to the wedding place.


And realised that he was easily the most over dressed and uncomfortable dimwit over there.


Why was he uncomfortable ye ask?


It was hot
This was the 1st time he was wearing a kurta
There were snotty people


Well, it was the 3rd reason whjich really got his goat actually.


Meister does not like snotty people. His proletariat blood boils when he encounters them rich upper class bossturds who think they are better than the Meister because they are richer and have attended la di dah schools or colleges or whatever.


There were a couple of such numbnuts over at the wedding. Old friends of the bride and Uber. They looked at the Meister as if he is something the cat dragged in (well to be fair, he almost always looks like he is something the cat dragged in, but thats beside the point) and tried their best to pretend that the Meister does not exist.

Meister suffered the indignity silently as he

a. did not want to mak a scene
b. did not want to be thrown out

Suffice to say, Meister's whole night was spoiled.


Oh, the Meisterbouquet ended up on a tree.


Sunday


Chelsea won the Premier League. Meister got to eat nice fish courtesy Uber and the Juicy Guy.



Monday

Morning: Uber said she will help the Meister in publishing etc.


So far so good. The Meister is ecstatic etc.


Well, something had to happen innit?

• A close dear friend's father had to be hospitalised
• Chupacabra ate the Meister's food
• Esteemed Nutter of the Maternal Persuasion informed him that she is undergoing some tests for cancer
• Meister lost a full day's work as he forgot to save it 
• Special One got married

See!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its like a continuous series of kicks in the bollocks.



And then Chelsea went ahead and compunded the problem by winning the double. Meister got happy again and so naturally......


Spondulitis, copious quantities of galis from boss people, no electricity, no internet, no Uber (she left) and then Baldrick shutting down shop.



And to put icing on the cake, a hurricane is coming.


Nice ain't it?



Well all this brings us to the conclusion that

Its high time that the rest of humanity save themselves and they can only do so by interring Meister in an underground nuclear buker in a deserted Pacific island with no fan, no comp and no TV.


Meister can't possibly get happy there and the world will be safe again.