Art of Writing

I recently read this small piece by the Special One. It was beautiful, highly depressing stufff, but beautiful nonetheless. I never knew she could write such good stuff. It was surprising. Well, come to think of it, it wasn't that surprising since hell she is a Ciefl girl after all. Well despite the fact that Ciefl does have its own share of idiots, people who can't spell their own names correctly - ala a certain neighbour of mine, and Ayush Prasad - who spills bullshit every time he opens his mouth or touches pen to paper or finger to keyboard as the case may be

Writing isn't easy, good writing is rare, hell judging by my colleagues even grammatical writing is gut wrentchingly difficult, so to see such a nice piece of writing all of a sudden was very nice. What attracted me was the way the feelings of a youg child was portrayed so realistically and convincingly.

I have no hesitation in saying that I will never be able to wrie something like that, but then again serious stuff is not exactly my forte. My forte is more in the lines of making people smile, chuckle, laugh, shake their heads in exasperation or exclaim "What the fuck is wrong with that bald fuck? How the fuck can he write fucking trash like this? etc etc" Deep thinking, introspection or talking about issues won't happen after reading my stuff. So I won't even try.

But all this writing stuff got me thinking - what if I was a screenplay writer you know. Well, here's what would have happened. The world would have been saddled with the following immortal lines

Frankly my dear, I care more about football (Gone with the Wind)

With great power comes great responsibilty, so appoint a good manager - call Guus Hiddink (Spiderman)

I will be with John Connor. Call him to pass on any messages. (Terminator II)

They may take our lives, but they will never take our chocolate chip cookiieesssss (Braveheart)

Hasta la manana baby (Terminator II)

Riddle me this riddle me that Who is afraid of a big giant gnat? (Batman Forever)

I am the best wanker in the world (Titanic)

So, on hindsight, it is a good thing that I am not a screenwriter.

Karma, Buggeritis and people who don't keep their words

Well everyone knows that Karma is a bitch...except in the case of the Great Indian Chunkubaaz. Being of a feminine persuation, Karma is also under the spell of that boudi seducing pillow thief, which is precisely why even her revenge on the Chunkubbaz lacks that bite. Even after not paying his bills, and swindling his company and stealing the Meister's pillow, he only gets a letter from the lawyers asking him to meet up and settle the amount..that's it. No police, no handcuffs, no kick on the backside.

The Meister's dear friend the Resident Bugger recently fell sick, so like any intelligent clear thinking person, he naturally did not tell anyone and starved himself. The magnificent moron starved himself for 2 whole days before summoning up the last vestiges of energy and IQ to call up MS. Things progressed smoothly after that(apart from the minor hiccup where the Bugger well bugged the doctor).

Anyway, immediately after meeting the doctor, true to form, he started feeling better and a couple of days later went to get his blood tasted. Here comes the strange part - his test results did not show dengue or malaria or typhoid or jaundice or swineflu - it came up with a whole new strain of virus hitherto unknown to man - H420V420. The scientists types are currently doing research on it but they have termed it Buggeritis in honour of the 1st idiot who fell sick with it.

While all this was going on, a certain friend and the meister fixed up a plan to go to the Bugger's house and get his medicine, money et all and to clean up his vomit. The Meister was gracious enough to inform the lady that he could meet her anywhere and anytime she wanted (as she had the keys). So what does she do - she calls up and postpones fiorst and thn messages to cancel the thing. The reason - she went on a shopping trip for a guest or something. Now, the Meister's problem and the reason he was pissed off like hell was this - when you give a word you keep it. Its true that such an attitude in today's day and world is stupid but hell that's what the Meister is like. He rarely gives his word but when he does he tries like hell to keep it and he sure as hell doesnt make plans with someone else.

Anyway, when the Meister first learnt about Bugger's latest bout of bugging, he was on a food date with Don Violent, where to his everlasting and immense shame he got lost while trying to find the loo.

You reap what you sow - silly foocking aphorism

You reap what you sow - unless you are the Meister, in which case you just keep on working and working and working, like that Greek whatsishname who keeps on rolling that stone up the mountain.

I really envy that fat assclown (the Potato, not the Greek dude). Well, obviously not his looks (the face that will crash a 1000 ships if it suddenly pops up on a dark night) or his physique (resembles a snowman..no not the abominable one).


I do all the work, and he reaps all the rewards.


For example, take last Saturday. Brownie was sick, so I decided to take her to Blue Cross. So I went to that den of whackjobs called Cielf/Eflu. I went to my ex-abode (which btw took away 8-9 years of my life via passive smoking, passive sniffing and repeated exposure to Ayush Prasad)
I roamed around the damn place and the campus but as usual could not find her anywhere. Then I learnt that some bastard had called the MCHech, who had come and had happily abducted 3 dogs.
So, I was worried. I called up the Violent Don, she called up more people...there was a flurry of phonecalls to find out who had called whom etc etc. A nice young girl whose name I have forgotten (hey I suffer from Mad Bull Disease, don't judge me) also came to help us. (There was another of those fox passing thingies...the young girl said she would come with us, I thought she said no.........never understanding what women want - story of my life)
We all decided to go to Blue Cross for further action. So, we travelled and we reached the Blue Cross gate and only when we reached the gate did we get the call that Brownie was still in campus. So, we went in and told the problems and fixed matters so that an ambulance would come in th evening to take Brownie away. By the time all this got over and Brownie finally went to hospital, it was about 5.

Don Violent then invited me over to her room for some coffee and UNO. So guess what happens?

I lose at UNO and then lose at UNO some more and then lose at UNO even more. Things turned really pathetic when thankfully I got an invitation to attend Sir Paunchsalot's birthday party later that night. I was all enthu, I came back home and took a bath etc and then......foocking fell asleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Since I was sleeping, he went instead. And he ate, he drank and won 50 bucks out of nothing in a card game. He borrowed money from the Sexy Aunty, which he promptly lost. See, the problem was that he was sober when the game started. As the rounds progressed, he became significantly drunker and drunker and by the 6th or 7th peg, his brain was positively buzzing - result he won 50 bucks twice in the space of 3 rounds.

This is something interesting that I have seen before also - the progressively drunker he becomes, the better he becomes at indoor games. He positively kicks ass at Taboo when drunk, he is damn good at Cluedo when drunk, the only time in Monopoly when he does not get bankrupt is when he is drunk!!

Being a strict coffeetotaller on the other hand, I suck at all of them. I suck at these games more than anyone has ever sucked in the history of these games - nay in the history of history.

So I guess all of you understand my frustrations don't you. No wonder I am always depressed and sad and miserable etc etc.

But then I read this article and started feeling all right again.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/sep/07/charlie-brooker

After all, the Great A'tuin would probably finish his journey some day, not to mention the distinct possibility of one of the 4 elephants standing on him slipping (the 5th one has already fallen after all), and where will all of us be then? Huh? Huh? Not even Leonard of Quirm or the wizards at Unseen University have an answer to that..if you didn't understand anything of that, read Pratchett or you deserve to get your goolohoog head kicked.

Puts things into real perspective doesn't it?

The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding

In all of the directions it can whiz

As fast as it can go, at the speed of light you know

Twelve million miles a minute and that's the fastest speed there is

So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure

How amazingly unlikely is your birth

And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space

Because there's bugger all down here on Earth

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=buqtdpuZxvk

It's a Disease

When you can hear a couple whispering "I Love You" in each other's ears from 200 yards away...

When you are surrounded by a bunch of uncouth roughneck savage barbarians wearing the yellow and red dress of East Bengal screaming and speaking in a language which does not follow any rule of linguistics whatsoever.....

When you see a bunch of guys pissing on a "Please do not pass urine here" sign......

When you see women walking around the street in their nighties in the middle of the day......

When you see thousands and thousands of people walking around on the streets wearing shirts, pants and hawai chappals.....

When you see a whole bunch of people shaking their head or/and using their hands or/and movin their whole body like a pendulum while listening to a msicall soiree etc, albeit without following any rhythm or beat......

When you see a whole bunch of people, who despite being primary school dropouts, arguing vociferously about something that they have no idea whatsoever.....

When you see a group of people truly believing that they are better than the legends of any sports......

When you see a group of people who can't even digest their food without sticking their nose into other's business and peeping into their neighbours' lives....

When you see a whole species of people who spend their whole lives trying to butter up to people and who can change their allegiances at the drop of a hat and will stab you in the back.......

.......then you know that either you are in an alternative universe where Fair is Foul, Foul is Fair etc etc.........

......or you are in Bangal counry

Disclaimer: No human being is a Bangal by birth.....Bangalness is like a disease, much like say HIV, its something that a person acquires.....some people are born humans, and then they become Bangals....and as cuch these creatures should not be shunned, they shopuld be pitied and helped.....and if they are East Bengal supporters - then beaten up.

Meister vs Aliens

This is the Potato again.

I have had to take over this blog yet again, though temporarily, coz the Meister has gone bananas. His nerves are shattered, his confidence is gone etc. Personally, I think he is just a bit of a wus but anyway.

It all started (according to the dynamic dimwit anyway) when he apparently started making all them fox passes ...(the hoity toity la-di-das pronounce it differently of course)...(btw I want to meet the guy who managed to train the foxes to play football, that guy should be the Indian team coach).......and he did it in front of the most violent Mafia leader he has ever known. ...ye know her...that leader of the LOLZ Mafia..

Apparently she is a feminist plus a cultural studies research scholar, and a close friend of the man who should be beaten up periodically, preferably at least 3 times every week for the benefit of mankind and civilization - Ayush Prasad. Ye all know the Meister's viwes regarding all three groups of people - though doubt lingers whether Ayush can be considered as people. So, there he was happily cursing all and sundry, when the declaration from the Violent One came, thereby scaring the bejeejus out of the Meister.

He has been a little out of whack ever since.

He has been so out of whack that he lost 2 stare-downs to 2 kids in about 2 hours in 1 night. Yep, the kids actually stared him down. Once in Inox and once while coming back home, Meister was on the bike, kid was in a car...Stupid silly good for nothing muppet.

But the worst was yet to come.

Next day he had just started from home for office when he chanced upon a billy goat. They both stodd still and looked at each other.

Then there was a mexican standoff....both stared at each other without moving or batting an eyelash (though truth be told the billy goat had an advantge, he didn't have eyelashes)...

It was an epic encounter between man and beast

It was mano y goato at its finest.

So they stared and they stared.....and then...of course you know it.....

Meister blinked

shame, mortification, sorrow, ignominy, disgrace etc etc

He went back home and hasn't left it yet. I have had to go to office and do all other stuff. He is just lying there staring at the ceiling and sighing.

The dimwit is now saying that it must have been an alien goat and thats why it's mojo was so strong etc.

Well, I told him that if the goat was an alien, then the Meister is a monster, in fact he is the Missing Link.

No, not the link between man and ape nor the link between mammals and reptiles.....

Meister is the link between man and muppet.

Curse of the Chunkubaaz Strikes Again

Well, ye all know that crafty, randy, notorious seducer of boudis, lover of all products related to hair and addict of Orkut - the Great Indian Chunkuubazz. Ye also know that he recently ditched the Meister after paying heed to the call of a boudi. What ye all do not know is that this dude can put Scrooge McDuck to shame. In the Hindi-English dictionary, there is his picture beside the entry 'kanjush'. Well, when he was here, the Meister never gave him a party for the simple reason that McChunku never gave the Meister one. So, the McChunku never got a chance to see Meister's hot friends....he was jealous etc.

So when he somehow learnt about Meister's plans of hosting a party, he decidded to curse it. As the President of the "Bug the Meister" mafia/secret society, he had ample resources at his disposal. He made a masterplan and dispatched his agents.

First, he did weird things to the time-space continuum so that Meister could not invite his dear friends SS and MS.

Second, he scheduled someone's birthday so that Jellio could not come.

Third, he threatened our Resident Scientist - the Bee Man so much that the poor lad chickened out

Fourth, he somehow provided wrong directions to the Resident Bugger...since this is the Bugger, he took the wrong directions and made mistakes with the directions and reached the right place.

Fifth, he manged to get someone to blow some germs up the Prenniallyinjuredthung Ovung's nose, so that he fell sick.

Sixth, he arranged wih a professional hitman to hit Ex-lord Botanist with a car while he was coming back from work...poor lad has a broken wrist now.......damn you McChunku

Seventh, he somehow manged to convince all the orthopedics to go home, so poor lad with the broken wrist had to wander aroundhospitals all night without treatment

Eighth, he got some dude to dress up in a state-of-the-art invisible suit and steal the Meister's phone

Ninth, he messed up players' minds so much that during Taboo we had Talksalot giving clue to Hugh Jackman as the person who was in Edward Scissorhands (wtf right?) and Sexy Aunty giving clue to something as "this is something that Don Violent and I are going through/having right now"...its supposedlt mid-life crisis, all the guys present thought something else that starts with a m

Tenth, he managed to make the Meister late in picking up Don Violent, leader of the LOLZ Mafia, and as a result, they were late for the opening of the Potter movie

Eleventh, he got one of his agents to bomb the transformer near the Meister's office so that the Meister could not write this post - he did this for 3- 4 days continously

All of which proves

1) the potency of the Chunku...no wonder all the boudis go gaga over him

2) the determination and resoluteness of the Meister. Being one of them resolute dudes, he finally managed to finish this post, after overcoming overwhelming odds like blasted transformers, screwed up net connections, muppet bosses and splitting headaches.

10 Signs that prove SS's Nutterosity

You have heard of SS? She is Meister's friend - a great lovely kind friendly lady. Unfortunately she also happens to be a nutter...(well all women are, but you know what the Meister means),.. although nowhere near the league of Meister's esteemed family members. You are asking how the Meister came to this conclusion? Well its because......

1. She talks about obfusication with the Meister at 3.15 in the night(or morning if you are feeling pedantic)

2. She dances and sings in the cinema hall.

3. She was usually one of the last to leave that Lawless Jungle every night. She quit that place, and joined a new place and guess when she leaves ....yep long after everyone else leaves

4. She actually used to like that Jungle when she was there, and here's the thing - she apparently still does

5. She has a crush on OCD Man....rather she is fascinated with him...OCD Man, the guy who can pick a fight with his own shadow for no being in the perfect psition; the guy who says asshole and disgusting about 17 and 19 times respectively every day; the guy who uses pork as a subject-matter in a wooing process; - SS is so enamoured with him that she keeps calling the Meister by his (OCD"s) name

6. She is scared of Midas!!!!!!!!

7. She likes Bongs!!!!!....seriously!!!!!!!!

8. She reads about those sissy vampires of Ms. Myers :-(

9. When the Meister gives her a gift, she thanks Bugger. Yep, she actually does that. Well, she has also consistently called the Meister with OCD's name throughout the last 3 years (well either she is obsessed with OCD or she is bored bythe Meister)

10. She dreams/fantasises about Mr. Mythological Spirit

Well, in the spirit of the festive season where u buy something and u get something else free, here's another reason which proves that SS desperately needs therapy -

She still calls up the Meister, goes to movies with him etc etc, and seems to like him!!!

Now if that does not prove that she is a nutter, then there's something wrong with this world.

Ditch the Meister - the nation's new favourite pasttime (along with spitting, cutting trees and digging roads)

It all started with ....well who else....that notorious seducer of boudis, that self-delusioned reincarnation of Don Juan and Casanova, the man single-handedly responsible for keeping the hair-gel industry afloat - the Great Indian Chunkuubaaz. After promising the Meister that he would be staying in Hyderabad for at least another 2-3 years, he ran away. He just could not resist the call of the boudi (reminds the Meister of them frustrated randy Greek sailors in Odyssey and them German sailors in myths and them Sirens) and lunked off leaving the Meister high and dry!!! And this after 10 years of close friendship :-(

Well as a matter of fact, the first one to ditch the Meister was his closest friend in college - all over a girl!!! Meister had a mini-crush on a girl, nothing serious, just a crush, the son of a porcupine fell in love with the same girl. He felt threatened by the Meister as the girl used to hang around the Meister because the Meister was that damn good in English. So in order to win the girl, the dynamic dumdum started to spread rumours and malign the Meister's character in public. The funny thing (well funny now not then) was that the Meister had no clue and if only the numbskull had come and told him all, Meister would have actually helped him in his wooing process. See the Meister has no problems if someone invokes his name and paints his character as heinous and akin to Idi Amin, Pol Pot, cultural studies students etc. All he asks is that the person should tell the Meister what he/she is doing.

Anyway, to go back to the ditching part. Sir Gaysalot proudly upheld the tradition by ditching the Meister twice in the same trip - once in Bhubaneshwar and then in the motherland. The official reason was sickness, the unofficial reason- extreme boredom. He had ditched the Meister once before also - he had stopped talking coz he was apparently disillusioned with the Meister!!!

Then it was he turn of our very own present day slave owner - The Pampered Princess. She ditched the Meister because she started missing slaves as he refused to wait hand over foot on her. The final straw was when the Meister ignored her orders to go fetch water and she had to walk all of 15 metres to get it - how horrible!!!

The most recent boarders of the Ditch Meister bandwagon are his 2 friends SS and MS. They ditched the Meister after making plans to go see Public Enemies. Despite being mule tired after working all weekend and a bloody good downpour, Meister went to the theatre and got the tickets only to get the news that neither of the 2 would be able to make it coz of work :-( :-( (granted that's a good excuse but disappointing nonetheless)

Suffice to say thzt the Meister is a bit jittery nowadays...the rumour is that he is looking over his shoulders all the while keeping a lookout on the sides and in front as well (its bloody difficult)...the last thing he wants to do now is to fall into a ditch.

Chronicles of the Passport Office - The Meister, The Muppet and the Devastation

The Meister recently went on an adventure - an adventure to a strange and weird land, a mysterious land full of paper pushing muppets - to get himself a passport. Why he actually needs a passport is another matter altogether as he is too fat and lazy to go anywhere.

It was a dark and dirty place full of sweating people - some due to fear, some due to nevousness, In the Meister's case it was due to extreme foocking heat. This being Bong country some comrade had gone and kept the ACs at 32degC. There were also some ricketty fans from another era but the less said about them the better. Anyway the Meister went and stood in a que and discovered that he wouldn't have to stand long. There were sits upront. So he stood and looked around. Imagine his surprise when he found out that he had somehow become the centre of attention in the damn room. Initially taken aback, he soon realised that it was because of his most excellent moustache - truly a work of art. Unfortunately, this being Bong country, the looks were more suspicious than appreciative. However, there were a few connossieurs of fine things around and their eyes told the tale of their awe and appreciation.

After standing for about 20 mins, the Meister finally got a seat. The seating arrangement was such that there was a queue of seats and you have to hop from seat to seat while making your way to the counter. (picture the secunderabd railway booking counter) You would think that this is a good arrangement right? Unfortunately, the trials and tribulations of the Meister weren't over. This being the kingdom of the Comrades, maintenance is a word which is not present in the lexicon/vocabulary. Ergo, the 3rd seat that the Meister sat on fell apart.

Result - pissed off Meister, ecstatic onlookers

Anyway lightning doesn't strike the same place twice right?

The Meister is currently seaching for the idiot who said it. They have unfinished business.

So, 3 time's the charm isn't it? Well in Meister's case, it is 4 times the charm. Although truth be told, because of his excellent athleticism he never actually fell down. Anyway trailing a wide swathe of destruction and devastation like a bull in a china shop (Meister always wonders about this - How did this adage come about? What experiment was done? Just how many times was it conducted? Which deranged lunatic actually put a bull into a china shop? What was the purpose?) the Meister finally reached the counter.

He handed over the application form and the necessary documents. The muppet at the counter asked him for his Voters ID. Meister said that he doesn't have one. All well and good so far.

The muppet lit the fuse by then asking "why not?"

This was too much for the Meister. Being an extremely polite gentleman he didn't blow his top, instead he started a lecture. He pointed out the sad state of affairs of the Indian political system in general and the bong political scene in particular. He explained the horns of a dilemna that any self-respecting Bong faces during election time - whether to vote for a bunch of hypocrite humbugs who are supported by the cultural studies crowd or to vote for a bunch of nincompoops.

The mupper kept on looking at him in shock and awe, then he closed his mouth, stamped all the papers, printed the reciept and handed it over without a single word.


So now the Meister is the proud owner of a receipt. He is more or less certain that thats the only thing he will get. There's only a slim, nay almost no chance, that he will pass the police verification especially since he is in 1 city while the police is in another.

You can Never Please a Woman

Meister recently created 2 calendars (you know those create ur own design and the dudes will print it wala) for SS and MS as a sort of apology for The Hangover. According to Mr. Murphy's most excellent laws, they were delivered the day after he met them. Anyway he called SS and they fixed up a time and venue for the handover. So, guess what happens. SS receives the gift and..............thanks the Resident Bugger!!!!!!!!!!
This is the story of Meister's life.......on the few occasssions that he does something nice for someone, someone else gets the credit.
To add insult to metaphorical injury, SS then complained about MS's calendar being better than her own etc etc. See MS got a Potter calendar coz she is obsessed with Potter (and with namby pamby vampires of Stephanie Myers sadly). SS, on the other hand, is obsessed with the OCD Man. Unfortunately, as OCD Man is like a reclusive celebrity who does not like his picture taken,
Meister does not have any of his pictures and so he couldn't make a calendar with his picture and give it to SS. So, being a nice guy, he did the next best thing. He used a picture of SS herself, along with the Potter lookalike Birdgirl and the Bugger. You would think that would do the trick don't you......instead there was complaints for him and plaudits for the Bugger.
All of which proves once again that it is really impossible for a man to please a woman. It is beyond the realms and limits of mere mortal male endeavour.

This explains a lot doesn't it

The Meister has an eccentric family (understatement of the millenium). The Meister has decided to write a post about them to show the world...well...to show them why he is what he is...so here goes....

Let's start with those immensely loved and respected nutters who are his parents...

Exhibit 1

The Meister's Father - Dr. Bishanbindu Bandyopadhyay

• Got married in his early 20s, while being a research scholar
• Loves doing all kinds of mathematical calculations......seriously
  
• Once shouted "Shut up and Get out" to a guy standing on the street
  
• Used to play football till well into his 40s
  
• Has been teaching in a girl's college for the last 3 decades without exhibiting any strange homicidal or genocidal symptoms
  
• Used to regularly tell the Meister "nobody ever becomes rich from studying"
• Is terrfied of the very notion of the Meister driving
• Gave 'carte blanche' to the Meister to do whatever he wants to, except Drugs, Suicide and Running away from home
  

Exhibit 2

The Meister's Mother - Dr. Udita Bandyopadhyay

• Refused to go to hospital after heart attack
  
• Blamed the Meister's unwillingness to marry as a reason for abovementioned heart attack
  
• Went and bought a fricking tree trunk......yep an actual tree trunk, and cut it into pieces and uses it as furniture
  
• Climbed scaffolding and chiselled.....yep actually did that with her own hands....a design on our house wall
  
• Completely changes her voice when talking on the phone
• Refuses to believe that the Meister is a loser in spite of all evidence to the contrary
• Tripped on her own leg and broke her foot
• Is interested in almost every damn thing on the planet, except sports
• Had a pet rat
• Once nearly drove herself into a pond (has subsequently stopped driving...to the great relief of all and sundry)...come to think of it, now that the Meister knows about SS's fatal attraction towards trees while riding, he is not that surprised..

Exhibit 3

The Meister's Paternal Grandfather - Mr. Sushil Banerjee

• When he was young, madly fell in love with grandma, and went to future father-in-law and threatened to kidnap his daughter if he was not allowed to marry the girl. The Meister's existence proves that the threat worked.
  
• The Dude once beat up a guy thoroughly for misbehaving and showing attitude. At that time, Grandpa was 70 while the guy was around 50.
  
• Once threatened to beat up a ration shop owner for misbehaving and showing attitude
• Even now, in his 80s, the gentleman is a Vishwa Hindu Parishad activist.
  
• Is very interested in English films and English literature
  
• Regularly calls the Meister and asks questions like "What was the name of that film where....", "Where did I read about this character who....." and "What was the name of that actor who...."

Exhibit 4

The Meister's Paternal Grandmother - Purnima Banerjee

• Fell in love with the abovementioned gentleman
• Continued to eat hot and spicy stuff even after diagnosed with stomach cancer
• Used to bug the Meister to get the Brahmin thread

Paternal Grandparents combined

Named their 4 kids - Bitanbindu, Bishanbindu, Bidita and Binita

Historical Footnote: The fathers of these 2 characters both rejected the opportunity to buy land and build homes in Kolkata and chose Chittagong and Naihati over Kolkata.

That decision turned out well, didn't it?

Exhibit 5

The Meister's Maternal Grandfather - Tarapado Ghosh

Mathematics teacher........nothing else needs to be said now, does it?

But there are oh so many things to be said

Anecdotes:

The gentleman was lying and wanted to change the fan speed. So, he first called for his wife, then his daughter, then the maid, all repeatedly, but since evryone was busy some where else nobody could answer. The gentleman, feeling who knows what, got up, got dressed and went out of the house...but still didn't change the fan speed.

The gentleman used to vigorously oil his hair everyday and brush them at least 2-3 times a day,...all this despite the fact that he had a cumulative 18 hairs.

The gentleman was a lifelong communist, but poor!!!!! In this day and age when the very words 'poor' and 'CPM' coming together creates the world's best oxymoron, the gentleman lived on his pensions and did not take a single paisa from anyone

Exhibit 6

The Meister's Maternal Grandmother - Mukul Ghosh

The nicest of the lot, and the one whom the Meister loves the most (amongst his grandparents). An extremely nice and patient woman. Unfortunately, she has the habit of pestering the Meister to get married.....and you know what, she guesses about the Meister's love for the Special One and bugs the Meister to get married to her. If only she knew the truth....sigh

Gem of an Information

While the Meister's paternal grandfather is a VHP activist, his maternal grandfather was a lifelong memebr of the CPIM party. Both of them wanted the Meister to follow in their footsteps. Imagine their chagrin and disappoinment when the Meister turned out to be like....well....like the Meister

Another gem of an information: The Meister's paternal great grandfather had the surname Chatterjee or Chattopadhyay and 14 kids. So, the elder kids had the surname Chatterjee. Later in his life, the gentleman got the title of Banerjee, and hence, the younger kids got the surname of Banerjee. The Meister's grandfather being the baby of the family at number 14, thus, got the surname of Banerjee or Bandhyopadhyay...........fun isn't it.........well unless you look at it from the Meister's point of view.....

The jackass has a voter's ID and Ration Card with the name Bishwaksen Banerjee and every other certificate and PAN Card with the name Bishwaksen Bandyopadhyay........resulting in an unfortunate quagmire...due to which there are problems with the Meister's passport....

Exhibit 7

The Meister's Uncles and Aunts

His uncle - Dr. Bitanbindu Bandyopadhyay

• Being the son of a VHP activist, is naturally a hardcore CPM supporter
  
• Mad about theatre and spends own time and money to act in an amateur group
  
• Mad about his house, made it with all top quality stuff...so naturally it leaks

His aunt - Dr. Basana Bandyopadhyay

• Regularly falls asleep while standing in a bus
  
• When her daughter was young , used to regularly 'motivate' her by saying "What will happen to you? You will end up begging on the streets!!"
  
• Can utter about 351 words per minute
  
• Regularly bugs the Meister to get married, as she has the weird notion that being the oldest, the Meister should get married first and only then her daughter can get married

The above couple together has a passion for their 3 story house, which, unfortunately,

a. Despite the use of the best materials available, tend to soak water and create interesting patterns on the roof and walls, and

b. Has the most horrendous set of stairs the Meister has ever seen (or at least had ever seen, untill he came to the Telugu country..........the Telugus are kings and masters of making stairs.....no 2 steps in a staircase has ever been made of the same size in the history of architechture in the Telugu country.........and also they have managed to make at least one staircase in EFLU as the Stairway to Heaven...it leads nowhere except a drop)

They named their kids Bijetri and Bibashwan

Another uncle - Subrata Ghosh

IIT passed Engineer, loves playing Sitar, and is completely dominated by his wife

Another uncle - Debabrata Ghosh

• Got married, got divorced and is once again moving around with a girlfriend!!!! talk about crazy!!!
  
• The same gentleman quit his job around 10 years ago and is now an interior decorator
  
• The same gentleman, in his infinite wisdom, went and bought an apartment where already an old lady tenant is present, and who quite naturally, is refusing to vacate
  
• Loves climbing mountains
• Had throat cancer, still is a chain smoker

Anecdote: After the elder one got married, there were those inevitable family feuds....so it was a regular feature to see the younger one being chased by the elder one being chased by the father.

Ex- aunt - Krishna Ghosh

• Used to pinch the bejeejus outof the Meister
  
• Adopted a mountain dog and in Kolkata used to make it wear doggy sweaters
  

Exhibit 8

The Meister's Cousins

• Ratul, fell in love with and subsequently married the first girl he saw in one of them matrimonial websites,
  
• Rahul, once got embroiled in an arguement with local kids and punched someone, inevitably got beaten up for his endeavour

well since the Meister suffers from Mad Bull disease, there is a chance that he has reversed the names of the 2 above...but what the hell they are brothers afer all..so its cool

• Bijetri, is studying Phd in Physiology (thus maintaining the family tradition) and allegedly falls in love once every 4 months, and who btw loved studying and learnt Kathhak
  
• Soumi, quarelled with the Meister's mother so much they still aren't talking to each other (don't ask the Meister why they quarelled, all women are nuts) and is a Psycho something btw,
  
• Anuja, went to Delhi for Phd and quit and then to USA for Phd and quit again!!!!!
  
• Bibashwan, who looks like Guran of Phantom comics and who learnt 'miming'.......yes 'miming'
  

To make matters more interesting, the Meister has ended up with a roommate - The Great Indian Chunkubaaz - who is interested in money, hair, Orkut and married women.

So, it is a damn miracle that the Meister has managed to retain his sanity despite spending copious amounts of time in this august company. It has not been easy. The continous struggle has cost the Meister his hair.

But he has successfully managed to prove that Lunacy is not Hereditary.

Foocking Blog

This version is for Benny the Prude

You do it

No you rabbit do it

Its your rabbit blog

You have rabbit taken it over now

No, I rabbit haven't!!! You are talking out of your rabbit foot mate!

Of course its yours! Even your pic is there. Don't be like the poor deluded Ovung brothers. Open your eyes.

Its you who is deluded my friend, you are now talking like a Manchester United supporter.

Hey what the rabbit!!!! Take that back, take that back right now

Ok Ok calm down calm down I take it back, nobody deserves to be called a rabbit uncouth, uncivilised, unhygenic, loudmouth disgrace to humanity.....well nobody except Ayush Prasad.

That was the censured version, now for the real stuff....

Benny the Prude look away.....

You do it

No you foocking do it

Its your foocking blog

You have fooking taken it over now

No, I foocking haven't!!! You are talking out of your foocking arse mate!

No am not!!! And what's with the reference to body parts? Don't you know that Benny the Prude will be scandalised!!!

Benny the Prude gets scandalised by anything and everything- her body is here in the 21st century, her mind is in the 16th century. Anyway as I was saying, how is it my blog now?

Of course its yours! Even your pic is there. Don't be like the poor deluded Ovung brothers. Open your eyes.

Its you who is deluded my friend, you are now talking like a Manchester United supporter.

Hey what the foock!!!! Take that back, take that back right now

Ok Ok calm down calm down I take it back, nobody deserves to be called an foocking uncouth, uncivilised, unhygenic, loudmouth disgrace to humanity.....well nobody except Ayush Prasad.

You might be wondering what this is all about. Well, this was an arguement between those two legendary lazyasses - the Meister and the Potato......the topic of arguement - who is going to write this blog. It was decided that they both will write it....

Which still leaves the problem of what to write!!!

So, they have decided that they are going to write news about their friends and acquaintances etc

Senor Paunchovilla/Sir Paunchsalot/Baron von Paunchohausen - last heard tried to jump off a cliff upon hearing that the GlasGow Beetroot has sold Ronaldo and Tevez and has instead brought in Michael 'Sickbed' Owen (probably to give company to Hargreaves, who was getting lonely being the only player sitting in the stadium while all others were playing,)....unfortunately for him and extremly fortunately for us, because of his extreme rotundity, the jumping did not go as planned...he bounced around for a few minutes and gradually rolled to a stop

come bck to the online world Pauncho, it's just not that much fun abusing the 'Arse' loving Oren brothers and the Benny the Prude - who supports Newcastle United!!!!

Lady Talksalot - is back from her brief sojourn in the western part of the country all refreshed and with an increased vigour, vim and determination to increase the profits of THAT imperialistic, capitalistic, evil company (as declared by the cultural studies hypocrites), who btw have ruined the plans of a large number of ordinary people by giving free tickets to Pottermania to its employees...Karma fought back(under pressure from 100s of disappointed kids) and gave them swine flu in return!!!

Benny the Prude - no new development, she is still a PRUDE and by now she has finished her thesis and has put her head under a blanket

Ex-Lord Botanist - some muppets tried to break into his house but was foiled in their hideous heinous endeavour by Godrej (the lock, not the person)

His Gaysalot - after finally deciding about his sexual preferences, he is apparently now a tad wee bit confused about his gender!!!!!!!!!!("bad influence of pink people")..... he was proclaiming to all and sundry that he is a "closet Bhratiya nari"....last heard he was shouting Avada Kadavara (which btw suspiciously sounds like a Telugu trying to say 'cadaver') to the Potato

Resident Bugger - still tinking otherwise dressing in atrocious blue cloured formals to the cinema

MidasDude - going around giving/taking exams and enrolling himself into MPhils and Japanese courses...respect bro respect

Bonglish Nightingale - acquired a geriatric spine

MS Brownjacket - actually got her lappy stolen (laptop not lapdog)...apprently the muppet disguising as her landlord allowed 2 luj characters to come in and browse through her stuff...when MS went to the police station, they told her (with loads of enthusiasm) that they know that there is a gang operating etc etc and a whole load of blah blah...well hulloooo get off your arses (Meister: well there you go again, now Benny the Prude will switch off her machine and go and hide under her bed, will put her hands over hear ears, close her eyes, and will start banging her head on the floor and keep declaring in Morse Code - see no evil, hear no evil, see no evil, hear no evil......)

Anyway to come back to MS, she recently went to see a juvenile comedy, got thoroughly pissed off and left mid-way to go to a bookshop to buy a sissy book....yep that's right....MS has recently become enamoured with books of extreme sissyness and she is passing off her unfortunate habit to SS as well :-(......

who btw made some comment which caused MS to BLUSH crimson/mauve/ purple/ violet/ magenta!!!!! 

She kept on blushing -

like a sissy dude coming to his in-laws' place for the 1st time,

like Benny the Prude whenever the name of any bodypart is mentioned,

in fact like SS whenever OCD Hombre is discussed -

continuously for about 10 mins....

SS (you know, that dear young lady who recently got herself a geriatic hip) - Well as mentioned before, she has caught the bug from MS, the bug of reading sissy books. The bug has transformed into other weird habits as well...for example watching extremely weird and sissy programs on television.