Lunacy is Not Hereditary

As mentioned in a previous post, the Meister has an eccentric family (understatement of the millenium). The Meister has decided to write a post about them to show the world...well...to show them why he is what he is...so here goes....

Exhibit 1

The Meister's Father - Dr. Bishanbindu Bandyopadhyay

• Got married in his early 20s, while being a research scholar
• Loves doing all kinds of mathematical calculations
  
• Once shouted "Shut up and Get out" to a guy standing on the street
  
• Used to play football well into his 40s
  
• Has been teaching in a girl's college for the last 3 decades
  
• Used to regularly tell the Meister "nobody ever becomes rich from studying"
• Is terrfied of the very notion of the Meister driving
• Gave 'carte blanche' to the Meister to do whatever he wants to, except Drugs, Suicide and Running away from home
  

Exhibit 2

The Meister's Mother - Dr. Udita Bandyopadhyay

• Refused to go to hospital after heart attack
  
• Blamed the Meister's unwillingness to marry as a reason for abovementioned heartattack
  
• Went and bought a fricking tree trunk......yep an actual tree trunk, and cut it into pieces and uses it as furniture
  
• Climbed scaffolding and chiselled.....yep actually did that with her own hands....a design on our house wall
  
• Completely changes her voice when talking on the phone
• Refuses to believe that the Meister is a loser in spite of all evidence to the contrary
• Tripped on her own leg and broke her foot
• Is interested in almost every damn thing on the planet, except sports
• Had a pet rat
• Once nearly drove herself into a pond (has subsequently stopped driving...to the great relief of all and sundry)

Exhibit 3

The Meister's Paternal Grandfather - Sushil Banerjee

• When he was young, madly fell in love with grandma, and went to future father-in-law and threatened to kidnap his daughter if he was not allowed to marry the girl. The Meister's existence proves that the threat worked.
  
• The Dude once beat up a guy thoroughly for misbehaving and showing attitude. At that time, Grandpa was 70 while the guy was around 50.
  
• Even now, in his 80s, the gentleman is a Vishwa Hindu Parishad activist.
  
• Is very interested in English films and English literature
  
• Regularly calls the Meister and asks questions like "What was the name of that film where....", "Where did I read about this character who....." and "What was the name of that actor who...."

Exhibit 4

The Meister's Paternal Grandmother - Purnima Banerjee

Fell in love with the abovementioned gentleman

Continued to eat hot and spicy stuff even after diagnosed with stomach cancer

Used to bug the Meister to get the Brahmin thread (The Meister never did and will never do)

Paternal Grandparents combined

Named their 4 kids - Bitanbindu, Bishanbindu, Bidita and Binita

Historical Footnote: The fathers of these 2 characters both rejected the opportunity to buy land and build homes in Kolkata and chose Chittagong and Naihati over Kolkata. 

That decision turned out well, didn't it?

Exhibit 5

The Meister's Maternal Grandfather - Tarapado Ghosh

Mathematics teacher........nothing else needs to be said now, does it?

But there are oh so many things to be said

Anecdotes: 

The gentleman was lying and wanted to change the fan speed. So, he first called for his wife, then his daughter, then the maid, all repeatedly, but since evryone was busy some where else nobody could answer. The gentleman, feeling who knows what, got up, got dressed and went out of the house...but still didn't change the fan speed.

The gentleman used to vigorously oil his hair everyday and brush them at least 2-3 times a day,...all this despite the fact that he had a cumulative 18 hairs. 

The gentleman was a lifelong communist, but poor!!!!! In this day and age when the very words 'poor' and 'CPM' coming together creates the world's best oxymoron, the gentleman lived on his pensions and did not take a single paisa from anyone

Exhibit 6

The Meister's Maternal Grandmother - Mukul Ghosh

The nicest of the lot, and the one whom the Meister loves the most. An extremely nice and patient woman. Unfortunately, she has the habit of  pestering the Meister to get married.....and you know what, she guesses about the Meister's love for the Special One and bugs the Meister to get married to her. If only she knew the truth....sigh

Gem of an Information

While the Meister's paternal grandfather is a VHP activist, his maternal grandfather was a lifelong memebr of the CPIM party.  Both of them wanted the Meister to follow in their footsteps. Imagine their chagrin and disappoinment when the Meister turned out to be like....well....like the Meister

Another gem of an information: The Meister's paternal great grandfather had the surname Chatterjee or Chattopadhyay and 14 kids. So, the elder kids had the surname Chatterjee. Later in his life, the gentleman got the title of Banerjee, and hence, the younger kids got the surname of Banerjee. The Meister's grandfather being the baby of the family at number 14, thus, got the surname of Banerjee or Bandhyopadhyay...........fun isn't it.........well unless you look at it from the Meister's point of view.....

The jackass has a voter's ID and Ration Card with the name Bishwaksen Banerjee and every other certificate and PAN Card with the name Bishwaksen Bandyopadhyay........resulting in an unfortunate quagmire...due to which there are problems with the Meister's passport....due to which the Meister cannot go to Bangal country.

Exhibit 7

The Meister's Uncles and Aunts

His uncle - Dr. Bitanbindu Bandyopadhyay

• Being the son of a VHP activist, is naturally a hardcore CPM supporter
  
• Mad about theatre and spends own time and money to act in an amateur group
  

His aunt - Dr. Basana Bandyopadhyay

• Regularly falls asleep while standing in a bus
  
• When her daughter was young , used to regularly 'motivate' her by saying "What will happen to you? You will end up begging on the streets!!"
  
• Can utter about 351 words per minute
  
• Regularly bugs the Meister to get married, as she has the weird notion that being the oldest, the Meister should get married first and only then her daughter can get married 

The above couple together has a passion for their 3 story house, which, unfortunately,

a. Despite the use of the best materials available, tend to soak water and create interesting patterns on the roof and walls, and 

b. Has the most horrendous set of stairs the Meister has ever seen (or at least had ever seen, untill he came to the Telugu country..........the Telugus are kings and masters of making stairs.....no 2 steps in a staircase has ever been made of the same size in the history of architechture in the Telugu country.........and also they have managed to make at least one staircase in EFLU as the Stairway to Heaven...it leads nowhere except a drop)

They named their kids Bijetri and Bibashwan

Another uncle - Subrata Ghosh

IIT passed Engineer, loves playing Sitar, and is completely dominated by his wife

Another uncle - Debabrata Ghosh

• Got married, got divorced and is once again moving around with a girlfriend!!!! talk about crazy!!!
  
• The same gentleman quit his job around 10 years ago and is now  an interior decorator
  
• The same gentleman, in his infinite wisdom, went and bought an apartment where already an old lady tenant is present, and who quite naturally, is refusing to vacate
  

Ex- aunt - Krishna Ghosh

• Used to pinch the bejeejus outof th Meister
  
• Adopted a mountain dog and in Kolkata used to make it wear doggy sweaters
  

Exhibit 8

The Meister's Cousins

• Ratul,  fell in love with and subsequently married the first girl he saw in one of them matrimonial websites, 
  
• Bijetri,  is studying Phd in Physiology (thus maintaining the family tradition) and falls in love every 4 months, 
  
• Soumi, quarelled with the Meister's mother so much they still aren't talking to each other (don't ask the Meister why they quarelled, all women are nuts) and is a Psycho something btw, 
  
• Anuja, went to Delhi for Phd and quit and then to USA for Phd and has quit again!!!!!
  
• Bibashwan, who looks like Guran of Phantom comics and who learnt 'miming'.......yes 'miming'
  

To make matters more interesting, the Meister has ended up with a roommate - The Great Indian Chunkubaaz -  who is interested in money, hair, Orkut and married women.

So, it is a damn miracle that the Meister has managed to retain his sanity despite spending copious amounts of time in this august company. It has not been easy. The continous struggle has cost the Meister his hair.  

But he has successfully managed to prove that Lunacy is not Hereditary.