More Limericks

Submitted By: Papa Johnny 
There was a young maid from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass;
Not rounded and pink,
As you probably think---
It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.

Submitted By: SW Cohen 
Some people say that a limerick
Is some kind of anonymous gimmerick
A Lear or a Nash
May own up to this trash
But never a Wordsworth, a Herrick or Himmerick

Submitted By: Dan Metzger 
There was a young man from the city,
Who saw what he thought was a kitty.
To make sure of that
He gave it a pat.
They buried his clothes; what a pity.

Submitted By: Dan Metzger 
A disgusting old man from La Jolla
Has a habit that's sure to anolla.
Before telling a joke
He'll give you a poke,
And remark, "This'll really destrolla."

Submitted By: Don Gillespie 
A Few Corny Limericks

Thith Way to Thpeeth Clath:

A thpeeth teacther named Mitheth Bathye
Had thome thtudentth who acted quite lathye;
They lithped and they thputtered,
And thome of them th-th-thtuttered:
She thought they might jutht drive her crathye.

A canner exceedingly canny
One morning remarked to his granny
A canner can can
Anything that he can
But a canner can¹t can a can, can he?

Submitted By: dave barrett 
By beauty I am not a star.
There are others more handsome by far.
My face I don't mind it.
because I'm behind it.
It's the people in front that I jar.

Submitted By: dave barrett 
The reverend Henry ward Beecher
Thought the hen was an elegant creature
the hen pleased with that
laid an egg in is hat
and thus did the hen reward beecher.

Submitted By: Adam Rondeau 

Winter Activities

There was a young boy in my way
Who was always happy and gay
He jumped and he ran 
Like a crazy old man
To avoid the fast moving sleigh

Submitted By: W. Cooke 
A witty truck driver named Tex
Was arrested, and likely suspects,
'twas the sign on his door
that caused the uproar
It read simply "Oedipus Wrecks"

There was a young lady named Slater
Who married an old alligator.
The night that they wed
They climbed into bed,
But rather than mate her, he ate her.

Submitted By: Howard Morgan 
A wonderful bird is the Pelican.
His beak can hold more than his belly can.
He can hold in his beak
Enough food for a week!
But I'll be darned if I know how the hellican?

Submitted By: Agustin Eastwood De Mello 
A dinosaur stomped into a mall
where people are tiny and small
Now why did you think
I was really extinct
the dinosaur roared with a drawl.

Submitted By: carol odom 
There once was a fellow named Jim
Who took his girl out for a spin
The speedometer rose
The gas pedal froze
They found parts of her but not him

Submitted By: Lydia Languish
There was a fat cat on a mat
Who liked to chase mice named pat.
He chased them around
And fell on the ground
And smashed them until they were flat!

Submitted By: Kasia Kowalewski 
There once was a boy from Montreal
Who loved to play basketball
For a team he tried out
But if he made it, I doubt
For you see, he was three feet tall!

Submitted By: Noam Kuzar 
There once was a lady from Hyde,
Who ate a green apple and died,
While her lover lamented,
The apple fermented,
and made cider inside her inside.

Submitted By: Bob 
There was a young lady one fall
Who wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
The dress caught fire
And burned her entire
Front page, sporting section and all.

Submitted By: LORNA 
There once was a old man from Norway -
who cussed as he sat in a doorway-
the door smacked him flat-
and he yelled "what was that"?
that disgruntled old man from Norway!

Submitted By: Roger Morris 
There was a fat turkey named Sam,
Who gobbled whenever he ran.
He came out of the bush,
Presenting his tush,
And was shot up the arse by a man.

Submitted By: Pat Bents 
There once was a kid named Darren
Who's room was surprisingly barren
He had no toys
Like all normal boys
But he did believe in sharing

Submitted By: Roger Morris 
There was a young lady from Niger,
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger.
After the ride
She was inside,
And the smile was on the face of the tiger.

Submitted By: Pat Bents 
There once was a consumer named Phil
Who really wanted to kill
A sly young vendor
Who mad him a big spender
And gave him a very large bill.

Submitted By: Deirdre Kinney 
There once was a poet named Dan,
Who's poetry never would scan.
When told this was so,
He said, "Yes, I know"
"It's because I try to put every possible syllable into the very last line that I can" !!

Submitted By: Papa Johnny 
There was an announcer named Herschel
Whose habits became controversial,
Because when out wooing
Whatever he was doing
At ten he'd insert his commercial.

Submitted By: Grady Tibboel 
I've been studying all night and I'm tired,
But I can't sleep because I'm so wired.
So I'll play on the net
'Stead of going to bed,
And my tests will seem a quagmire.

Submitted By: Krishna Jayaraman 
There was a man from Ghent
Who had a penis so long it bent
It was so much trouble
That he kept it double
And instead of coming he went.

Submitted By: Krishna Jayaraman 
There was a man called Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave
He said "I admit
I am a bit of a shit
But think of the money I save".

Submitted By: Krishna Jayaraman 
There was a lady who triplets begat
Nat, Pat and Tat
It was fun breeding
But trouble feeding
Cause she didn't have a tit for Tat.

Submitted By: Tom Maguire 
There once was a girl named Madonna
To all the boys she'd ask "Do yo wanna?"
Warren Beatty said no,
called her a "HO"
Now she cries and smokes marijuana.

Submitted By: Al the Pal 
There once was a man named McGill,
Whose acts grew exceedingly ill,
He insisted on habits,
involving white rabbits,
and a bird with a flexible bill.

Submitted By: Roger Morris 
There was a young student from Boston,
Who drove around in an Austen.
There was room for his ass
and a gallon of gas.
But his balls hung out and he lost 'em.

Submitted By: GBlowfish 
There once was a Senator from Mass
who was searchin around for a Lass;
He lucked out and found it;
He fucked up and drowned it.
And That was the end of HIS ass!

Submitted By: Roger Morris 
There was a young girl from Cape Cod,
Who thought babies came only from God.
T'wasn't the Almighty
Who lifted her nightie.
T'was Roger the Lodger by god!

Submitted By: Art Burke 
There once was a man named Screwy Dick,
A man who was born with a spiral prick.
His life was spent in one long hunt
to find the girl with the spiral cunt.
When he found her he dropped dead,
'cause that damn bitch had left hand thread!!!

Submitted By: Justin Eisele 
There once was a man named Dan
He once ate beans from a can
His colon swelled
his wife said oh well
and what rhymes with dan and can?

Submitted By: Deirdre Kinney 
There once was a man from Bel Air,
Who was doing his girl on the stair.
When the banister broke,
He doubled his stroke,
And finished her off in mid-air.

Submitted By: Papa Johnny 
There once was a Bishop of Treet
Who decided to be indiscreet,
But after one round
To his horror he found
You repeat, and repeat, and repeat.

Submitted By: Bad Girl 
There once was a man from Madrass
Who's balls were constructed of brass
When jangled together
They played stormy weather
And lightening shot out of his ass!

Submitted By: Allan Kitching 
There was a young fellow named perkin
Who was always jerkin his gherkin
His father said perkin
Stop jerkin your gherkin
Your gherkins fer ferkin not jerkin

Submitted By: R. Guptill 
There once was a pirate (the story relates)
who liked to go dancing on roller skates.
He fell on his cutlass
which rendered him nutless
and virtually useless on dates.

Submitted By: John Woodcock
There once was a dog named Fred
Who was black and blue and red
He ate a monkey in his sleep
And when he woke up
he said his wife was cheap.

Submitted By: Papa Johnny 
A pansy who lived in Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room,
And they argued all night
Over who had the right
To do what, and with which, and to whom.

Submitted By: Papa Johnny 
A nudist girl wearing three raisins
A masquerade prize was her goal.
The judges said, "Lookie,
From the front she's a cookie,
From the rear she's a Parker house Roll."

Submitted By: Dan Benko 
There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear were a c#%+ I would f@#* it!"

Submitted By: Bryan King 
There once was a chick named Alice
who used dynamite for a phallus
it blew a hole in her vagina
like South Carolina
and bits of her tits in Dallas

Submitted By: Scott Straub 
The once was a young girl from Norway
Who hung by her feet from the doorway;
Which worked out quite well,
'Cause when you rang her bell,
It actually turned out to be foreplay!

Submitted By: Michael Lehane 
There once was a technician named Lil.
That took a chance on a Nuclear Pill.
They found her vagina,
in South Carolina,
and her boobs in a tree in Brazil!

Submitted By: Bruce 
there once was a couple named Kelly
who walked around belly to belly
because in their haste they used library paste
instead of petroleum jelly

Keep up the page nice work

Submitted By: Sugar 
(This was on a tape that had messages for answering machines)

There once was a man from Nantucket,
who was old, but not yet kicked the bucket,
don't be a creep,
at the sound of the beep,
leave a message or you can just f-- orget about anyone calling you back!

Submitted By: Bill E. Bob 
There once was a cat named black,
he ran around and smoked crack,
till one day,
he was found gay,
now he sucks

Submitted By: Keith H. Peterson 
In anything written by Dickens,
It's certain the plot always thickens;
With characters, themes
And digressions it teems;
As for sex, though, it's mighty slim pickin's.

Submitted By: Keith H. Peterson 
At a meeting-hall, George Bernard Shaw
Was proceeding to lay down the law,
When, from somewhere offstage,
Someone hollered in rage,
"Who can sleep, with this damned foo-fa-raw??"

Submitted By: Keith H. Peterson 
Miss Fanny, adored by John Keats,
Loved romances and sucking on sweets;
Yet one glance from this skirt
Could reduce the poor squirt
To a few inarticulate bleats.

Submitted By: Keith H. Peterson 
My trouser-snake stands up and cheers
When confronted with boobs in brassieres;
But, in charming my cobra,
The bosom with no bra
Can almost reduce it to tears.

Submitted By: Duncan Cline 
Said the Cardinal to Mother Superior
"Your singing is quite inferior!"
She,not to be crass,
did show some real class
Said,"You can kiss my posterior!"

Submitted By: wcraz 
in the garden of eden lay Adam
gently stroking his madam,
and great was his mirth
for on all of this earth
there were only two balls and he had 'em!

Submitted By: Rockin' Floyd 
An Argentine Gaucho named Bruno
Said Sex is one thing I do know
Women are fine
And sheep are divine
But llamas are numero uno!

There once was a man from Bombay
Who fashioned a cunt out of clay
But the heat from his prick
Turned the damn thing to brick
And it ripped all his foreskin away.

Submitted By: Reggie 
There once was a man named Piatt,
who's sexual habits were a riot.
From horses to hens,
To mice and men,
If it had a hole, he would try it.

Submitted By: Reggie 
There once was a man named Eugeene,
Who built a masturbation machine,
The damned thing broke
On the 14th stroke,
And whipped his balls to a cream.

Submitted By: Reggie 
Remember that man named Eugeene?
well he built a f*!king machine,
Concave or convex,
It could take any sex,
But man what a mother to clean

Submitted By: Bob 
Jolly St. Nick's good to you and me
Brings to homes many gifts to see.
But a black eye he paid
Because he laid
The wrong doll under the tree.

Submitted By: Uncle Butch 
There Once was a sailor named Brett
The best pisser I ever seen yet
He could Piss in a jar
From the Top Gallant Spar
Nor even get the sails wet.

.